Tour Guide ➣ Carl Grimes

23. North Star

After leaving Carl in the woods, Hannah desperately tried to busy herself with work in the pantry. She focused only on the food in her hands as she placed it on the shelves, meticulously putting each item in its rightful spot. Even when she saw Carl coming through the gate, his head low and his body tired, Hannah kept her eyes down and continued to stock the cans. She didn't want to see him. How could she? He had been so blatantly uncaring. So childish. That was her leader, no matter if she was alive or not, and Carl was playing with her.

On her way home that night, after doing all she could in the pantry, Hannah knew she would need to pass by Carl's house. Part of her wanted to just take the long way, going back behind the church and around all of the houses. But the other part of her, the stronger part she quickly found, wanted to pass by. Part of her needed to see him, even if she didn't want to. She needed to know what had happened. Without a conscious effort, Hannah left the pantry and headed toward the center of town. He might not even be there, she thought. Though, as she got closer, she could already feel the soft warmth of his porch lamp on her skin. She knew he was there.

He was sat on his porch, rocking slightly in a wooden chair, Judith held in his lap. The little girl was wearing a light pink onesie with a familiar blue blanket draped across her lap. She waved at Hannah when she began up the small steps of the porch. Her steps were hesitant, waiting for a sign that this was a bad idea, but Judith continued to babble and reach out to her, completely unaware of the tension. It was a beautiful thing really, the ability to still be naive.

"Hi, honey," Hannah whispered softly with a smile, reaching her hand out to grab Judith's. The little girl's fingers wrapped around her own. Carl still said nothing, though Hannah could hear his soft breathing as he watched the interaction, their bodies too near to each other. His gaze felt heavy on her. With one more squeeze of Judith's tiny fingers, Hannah moved back to lean on the porch railing so that she could see Carl in full now. He finally looked up at her.

"Hey," He said softly.

"Hey," Hannah responded in the same tone. That's how all their serious conversations seemed to start.

"I'm teaching her about the stars," He spoke while looking down at his sister, a soft smile on his lips.

"Yeah?" Hannah gave a light chuckle, "What about 'em?"

"If you look up there," Carl pointed past Hannah, "You can see the North Star, that bright one."

Hannah followed his finger to the sky behind her, and she saw the point. She had heard about the North Star, of course, but she had never seen it this clearly. It was incredible.

"If you ever got lost at night," Carl continued while Hannah's back was turned, "You just find that star, and it'll lead you home."

Hannah sighed lightly before turning back to the boy.

"What happened out there, Carl?" Hannah spoke, her arms crossed over her chest as the wind blew against her back. As nice as the warmth from the lamp was, it was a cold night. Hannah felt the hairs on her arms stand up.

Carl shuffled a little before speaking, "Nothing. It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does."

"It really doesn't, Hannah," He said firmer, shaking his head.

"It does and you know it" Hannah tried to match his voice.

"Why?" Carl spoke louder now, practically cutting her off.

Hannah let her hands rub over her face, feeling the grime of the day transferring to her fingers. She was so tired.

"We should've killed her, Carl," Hannah said as if it was a secret between just the two of them, "You know that. I mean, we saw Spencer out there. He shouldn't have to-- he shouldn't see that. We should have killed it."