Ultraviolence | Vance Hopper x Reader - The Black Phone FanFiction

Deranged

I think I've devoted half of my senior year to trying to find a purpose. No matter how hard I try, life seems to keep stabbing me continuously in the back and people in my life keep hurting me. I suppose waiting for someone will get me absolutely nowhere and crying like a bitch is a waste of time. I wanna surround myself with things and the people I love but I don't know what that is. It isn't Vance or my mom and dad. Not my friends, Finney and Robin. I've completely shut them out as well. All I've got is to blame myself. But, in the past week Adrien has been somewhat comforting. I feel like I could tolerate him and not contempt him so quickly. After all, he is my step brother. 

After walking home alone I came to the conclusion that Vance is over me, and I'll just have to figure out how to get over him. I spent an hour of my day waiting for him in the hallway to tell me he broke up with Hailee, but he never showed. I was heartbroken and bemoaned to Adrien as soon as I got home, but again tears are nothing but loathing yourself in your own deep despaired self pity and I do not care to indulge in it any longer. Adrien says that it is okay to cry, and that crying is a gateway to opening up and healing. Therefore it is unhealthy to bottle up your emotions. Whatever I am bottling up stays bottled from this moment until I die. Now I don't know if I can truly commit to that but I will try.

I went home and Adrien was in the kitchen studying with faint music on. He hadn't noticed I came home yet so I just sat on the couch and silently listened to the music. I kept my hands in my lap and stared at the blank television screen while humming and tapping my knee with my finger tip. I heard some rustling in the kitchen and tightened my body.

"Hello? Is anyone home?" Adrien called, but I couldn't answer. I watched him walk inside and smiled. He smiled back and crossed his arms. "What are you doing home?"

I shrugged and let him sit next to me and wrap his arm around my shoulder. "It's still weird when you hug me." I shuffled out of his grasp.

"You feeling okay? Did something happen at school?"

I shook my head and sighed deeply. "Nope. Just the stupid rally. I can't stand those."

"Yeah? You need some headache pills?"

I nodded softly. "That would be great."

I watched Adrien get up and leave the room and to my surprise I felt slightly relieved. Still nothing has changed, my anxiety is rising through the roof at the moment and I don't know why. Maybe because I have Vance on my mind and I need a distraction. Not just something, but someone. Adrien came back in with a pill and a glass of water for me. I took it and popped the pill in my mouth and swallowed it down with the water, then sat the glass on the table.

"Thank you." I smiled and leaned back into the cushion.

"You're welcome. I was just studying but since you're here you have my full attention. What do you wanna do?"

I shrugged and stared at my lap.

"You look tense." Adrien placed his hand on my knee. "You feel tense. Relax, Y/n."

"Sorry." I awkwardly chuckled. "I'm so used to tensing my body."

"Well, we can sit here in silence if you want. Anything you want is fine with me."

I nodded. "Yes. I just wanna sit here." I leaned on his shoulder and took a small breath.

Adrien grabbed his computer and went back to his studying. I watched while playing with the hem of his shirt and tried not to fall asleep. I was pretty tired but sleeping was out of the question. I listened to Adrien type and sigh or clear his throat every minute and it was oddly comforting to have him around, especially since I've been an only child.