Aries

Chapter 19

Aries

"We're going to have to talk about this, about us, eventually." She murmured her fingers now caressing the nape of my neck.

We'd spent the entire rest of the day just sitting on the couch. Everyone had gone home, leaving us alone in the whole building. I closed my eyes for a moment and focused on how it felt for her to touch me like this.

"I know."

I basked in this comforting and tender scene a second longer before sitting up. She sat up as well and began looking for her underwear. I reluctantly pulled it out of my pocket and handed it to her. She got off the couch and fixed up her pants and shirt, ran her fingers through her hair, then came to sit back next to me.

"You're right. My apology was half-assed." I turned to face her, and she put her hands over mine. "I did hurt you. I shouldn't have, but I did. I'm sorry. I truly am. I was a stupid teenager. You weren't."

"Why'd you do it?" It was a question that I knew the answer to, but it was also a question that swarmed my mind for years.

"It was a bet. A stupid bet. I thought.... I didn't think anything of it." She swallowed and I saw her head drop in shame. She shook her head and looked back up at me. "I was a coward, Aries. An idiot. I thought it would be easy. Flirt with you, make you like me, and then laugh in your face at prom. That was it."

Her fingers came in between mine and she brought them up to her chest. "But the person I was with you, the person who'd sit and debate Avenger fights, eat licorice and steak sandwiches, that person was real. I was only ever myself around you.

Do you think anyone knew about the dreams I had or knew that I watched comic movies? I felt safe with you, trusted you, and that was the only reason I let myself be my true self around you. I know this brings you no comfort, but Aries I promise you it wasn't fake. None of it was."

"I hate what you did to me. I wanted to hurt you, Nova. A few days ago I wanted to belt you. To hurt you, to see you bleed, and hear you cry."

Her fingers tensed around mine, but she didn't remove her grip. "Do you still want that?"

"I-I don't know," I answered honestly.

I sighed and removed my own hands away from hers. I saw her rest her hands over her lap, her eyes skirting down there in embarrassment before meeting mine. I rubbed my face and let out a breath of air.

"Your words seem genuine, and your apology seems real, but I don't know. You humiliated me and it's not like I cared much about what anyone had to say, but I did care about what you had to say. Do you remember that night? Do you think of it?"

"I try hard not to." She whispered. "I'm not the same person, Aries."

I stood up, needing some sort of distance to figure out the jumble in my brain and she steadily stood up as well but didn't approach me.

"I won't hurt you like that...ever again. I promise."

"How can I trust you again?" I asked, voicing out my fears.

"Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

"What do we have, Nova?" I exclaimed, exasperated. "We have memories, years of resentment and guilt and anger, sandwiched between sessions of hate orgasms. Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair.

She looked offended and she gave me a sad look. "You think that's all we have?"

"I don't know if they're real!" She didn't blink when my voice rose. "Are you the same girl who used to laugh with me? Are you the same girl who wanted to leave this city and live in the countryside?" I yelled.