In dreams (Yoongi)

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Sequel to Guilt. 

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Yoongi's POV.

He watches his tissue fall next to the trash can. Damn it. He can't even aim anymore. But Yoongi is too lazy to pick it up, too lazy to get up from his chair. It's his studio anyway, so it's not like anyone will tell him to clean after himself. He is exhausted. He's had coffee, decaffeinated coffee, lemon tea, ginger tea, an energy drink... nothing seems to help. His throat hurts and his head is pounding. But the deadlines remain.

"Fuck."

His watch indicates 19:04 and he ponders whether or not he should go back home. He knows that some of the boys will be down at the dorm tonight, and yet he can't bring himself to look forward to leaving the company. Yoongi knows that something is wrong with him, but it's not like he doesn't know what it is. He just has to push through. He sighs. It's no use staying any longer, so he closes the tabs and quickly writes down any progress he made. He's not inspired like he usually was at this point, and although he has composed more than half of the song, he finds that it doesn't sound like him. The rapper almost hopes that the company rejects it. He's never not been proud of his work, but right now he feels like he's writing for the sake of writing. The words are meaningless and he's just so, so tired. He needs to get up.

It's another 3 minutes before Yoongi picks up his tissue by the door, and then he's on his way to the dorm. A silent taxi ride later, he finds himself spacing out in the elevator where Jungkook got stuck a few years ago. He doesn't know why his mind wanders so far back, but his eyes are unfocused and his head hurts. Maybe he should have let his dongsaengs know that he would be home. Or maybe he shouldn't have headed to the dorm since he's definitely coming up with something. He clears his throat a few times before pushing the door open.

"Yoongiiii!" Jungkook is quick to welcome him.

"Yoongi-hyung-"

"You're alive! We haven't seen you in forever, hyung!"

"Ah, yeah- Well, I'm here now..." he replies, shy under the maknae's attention. "Anyone ordered food yet?"

"Hobi-hyung was about to! He should be in the kitchen!"

As Jungkook runs away to Taehyung who's calling him down the hall, Yoongi takes it as an opportunity to let out a cough he had been holding in. He sighs when he realises that he really caught a cold and that the itch in his throat only seems to be getting worse. Maybe I should wear a mask. But then that would make it obvious. He drags his feet to the kitchen, where he sees Hoseok standing near the window with his Ipad, most likely looking through the menu of a random Korean restaurant offering 2-for-1 dumplings. He doesn't see Yoongi coming in.

"Jungkook told me you'd be here."

"Hyung! You're alive!"

"He said the same thing... Come on Hoba, I haven't disappeared off the face of the Earth! I've just been... I was busy."

"Hm, sure. Are you hungry?"

"You don't believe me." Yoongi states, matter-of-factly.

"When was the last time you answered my texts? Or any of us? Our last call was 12 days ago, hyung!"

"Oh..."

"Yeah- Are you hungry? I'm ordering from-"

"I- yeah, I'll have what you're having."

The younger rapper doesn't look at him but he gives him a small smile. Good job, Yoongi. The guilt creeps in as he realises that he has been a bad hyung to his members, and a bad friend as well. He also hasn't been very professional, and the worst part is, he had no idea that it had been that long since he last gave any of the boys a second of his attention. He's only been going back and forth between his bed and the studio and he felt like a zombie on most days. But he doesn't say anything. He's waiting for it to pass. So he asks Hoseok who's home. His dongsaeng tells him that it's just them, Jungkook and Taehyung. The others might join them tomorrow, but that's also far from certain. Everyone is quite busy these days. Yoongi nods.

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