Rejected.

49 1 0
                                    

Back to angst. It's a sad one.
TW: self harm and suicide.

Roman paces in his room. Another idea has just been declined. He just wanted them to accept him. But noooooo they said no! How could they say no? He just wanted to fit into this group! He wanted to be part of their family.
He stops pacing and looks at his reflection in the mirror. His face is red and tears are streaming down his cheeks. His hands are clenched in fists. Suddenly a voice cuts through his spiralling thoughts. "Ro..." A soft voice calls from the doorway. He looks at his brother, who stands in the doorway looking uncertain. "Hey Ro, you okay?"
Roman lets out a sob and collapses onto the bed. He throws his arms around his brother. His brother stands there until he is summoned. "Don't leave me Remus..." Roman chokes weakly. Remus shakes his head. "I have to..." he pulls away from Roman. "I'm sorry Ro, but i need to do this." He reaches up and wipes a tear from his cheek before stepping out of the room and leaving his younger brother alone in the dark.
Tears
stream down his face as his vision blurs from lack of sleep. He feels numb. He doesn't know what to do. Finally, he manages to find the courage to stand up and make his way downstairs to the commons. He takes a deep breath before knocking on the door to Virgil's bedroom. He hesitates before knocking. Suddenly, he decides that he should deal with his own problems. He turns and shuffles back to his room.
He flops onto his bed with a huff. What is wrong with him anyway? Why couldn't his friends see how great he was? He stares at the ceiling, wondering why the others thought he wasn't good enough. He doesn't know how long he sits like that. Thoughts rush through his head. They scratch away at his confidence.
Hours could have gone by. He feels a tug as Thomas summons him.
"Roman?" the host looks hurt, " Are you okay? My ego is feeling like death."
"Yeah, I'm fine...just had a long day." He lies.
"What's wrong? Your voice sounds shaky...and your cheeks look kinda wet!" The host points out.
Roman freezes before shaking his head. "Nothing...Just a bit tired...that's all." He says while trying not to meet Thomas' eyes. He wants to believe his own lie, but he can tell that the host isn't buying it.
"You sure? Because you've been crying..." His words trail off awkwardly. "But I'm fine!" Roman exclaims, standing. He runs upstairs before anyone can ask any more questions. He reaches his door and slams it. He wants to disappear. Why does he have to care so much? Why does everyone think that he isn't good enough? He buries his face in his pillow, breathing heavily.
Suddenly, there is a knock on his door, "Roman, open up..." Patton says softly.
Roman groans loudly before sitting up, "No! I want some space!"
Footsteps retreat away from his room.
I need to disappear, he thinks.
He knows there's only one way to do that. He calls for Remus,who is there straight away. "Remus. I need you to give me a dagger."
"Why?"
"Please, Remus."
Remus sighs, "Fine, but don't do anything that I wouldn't do."
Roman smiles gratefully and Remus takes the hint that he is no longer needed. Roman takes the blade and opens a small slit on his arm. He holds his hand over the wound. Slowly, blood drips down his wrist. He winces, and when he lowers his hand, his fingers are covered in his own blood. But not enough. The blade is ready to be used a second time. He holds it to his neck. It will end now. No more pain, no more doubt, no more feelings of inadequacy. He jerks his hand back and realises that he cannot leave without writing a final goodbye.
Having done so, the blade is in his hands again. "I'm sorry.." He whispers as he writes his last message.
His eyes well up with tears again.
He presses the tip of the dagger against his skin and pushes. Blood seeps through his thin shirt and pools on his floor. He takes in the sight before him. The black of his night sky, the stars reflecting off of his tears as they fall. With a slice, the knife eats through his flesh. It is nearly done. He lays on the floor, using the last of his energy to summon a rose. With a smile on his lips and a rose on his heart, Roman Creativity Sanders dies.

Sanders Sides one shots Where stories live. Discover now