"You're going to be my present and my future. You're going to hold all my babies because I'm going to be the lucky man to marry you. You're going to love me again, Maryam Khan. Slowly and then all together. And I will watch you as you do."
Imran and...
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I fucked up.
I failed you.
I failed your daughter.
I failed your grandchild.
I'm sorry.
I fell to my knees on the wet soil. My fingers grabbed a fistful of the mud as I felt the agonizing pain with every apology that my mind came up with.
I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations.
I'm sorry I couldn't be strong enough.
I'm sorry I couldn't keep her happy as I promised.
I'm sorry I'm such a miserable person.
I'm sorry for burning down the life of your daughter.
I'm sorry I couldn't protect her. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for her. I'm sorry for being me.
Had you married her off to someone else, none of this would've happened.
Whoever that person would be, at least he could keep Maryam happy.
Maybe Arif Khan would agree with me right now. Saying that I console myself and stare at his tombstone because that's all I could do.
A silent prayer left my mouth where I hope to stall the decision as much as I could and I also pray that Maryam gets back her old cheery self.
I felt my phone buzz in my pocket in the quiet of the cemetery. Fishing it out, I hit answer after reading Mummy's name flash on the screen.
"Ji, mummy,"
"Where are you? Why aren't you home yet?"
"Traffic." I lie effortlessly, contrary to the eerie silence around me. Just one of the things I've mastered over the past few days.
"Jaldi aao." She says a tad bit softly after which we hang up.
Sliding the phone back into its place, I gaze at the grave in front of me. A defeated smile takes over my face.
"Kal phir aaunga main inshallah aapke paas. Kisi aur ko to muh dikhane ke kabil nahi raha, kisi aur se baat karne ke kaabil nahi raha. Aap ich sun lo aapke good-for-nothing son-in-law ki dukh bhari dastan. Aur haan, main nahi dera aapki ziddi beti ko talaaq kabhi bhi. She can hate me for the rest of her life but I won't let go. I promise."
Getting to my feet, I dust off the area around my knees only to see it had already stained a dark brown. Again. Like all of my pants from the previous days.
