𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

ix. WITHDRAWALS.

    

     ONCE ICARUS got Chris in his bed, he sat there on the edge of it, watching the way the other stared up at the ceiling. "Sleep it off..." He tells him before glancing around, trying to find anywhere around the room where Chris might be hiding his drug stash. "Lay with me, please." Chris begs and Icarus did so, but he was as stiff as board as Chris hugs him.

"Why couldn't you just talk to me?" Icarus whispers. "You were like hundreds of miles away... all we had were our letters and phone calls. I couldn't burden you with any of it especially since you got out." Chris whispers and Icarus just sighed, looking around. He's still trying to find where it would be.

"Under my bed... in a random tin container I found." Chris murmured, as if he knew what Icarus was looking for. "You gonna flush it or something? Because that shit costed me a lot, so you'll owe me a lot of money." He says and Icarus just sighed quietly. "Chris... I just want you to get better." He whispers as he turns his head to look at the older.

"And I will..." Chris nodded quickly. "I--I just needed one... to keep me going today." He whispers and Icarus frowns at that. "To keep you going?" He moves to lay onto his side. "Yeah... yeah, like, without it, there's... there's this voice constantly talking to me, like saying I'm a mistake, or that my parents should've never had me to begin with... sometimes it tells me it should've been me instead of Billy." He whispers, his eye gaze on Icarus' collarbones or the front of the shirt he has on.

"You could've talked to me... instead of trying to get rid of it with drugs. It wouldn't have been a burden to me, you never have been and you never would be." Icarus reassures him, grabbing his shoulder and Chris sighed, scooting closer and resting his head onto Icarus' shoulder. Icarus wraps his arms around his waist, "is it okay I get rid of them? And whenever that stupid voice comes back you talk to me instead?" He whispers and Chris nods. "Will you be here with me through the withdrawals?" He murmurs and Icarus nods.

"Of course, Chris..." He rubs his back and Chris buried his face deeper into Icarus' neck. He had mumbled something else, but Icarus didn't understand him that clearly, he doesn't ask as Chris relaxed and began to fall asleep. After he's asleep, Icarus pulled him over to the other side of the bed and sat up.

He got off the bed and looked under to find the tin box Chris had mentioned. He opened it up and saw the other baggies, baggies filled with powder, some weed even and such. He frowned and sat back before looking over at Chris. He loves him, he does, he knows in his heart he does, he's known him for two years. But he doesn't know how to feel about Chris after this, the drugs and the lying.

He pretends everything is okay but he just wants Chris to trust him and to talk to him. He crawled up beside him, leaning down to kiss his cheek before he got out of the bed and went out to the livingroom, stepping out on the front porch to have a cigarette. Just then, Steve's car pulled up and Max got out of the car. "Hey, where were you? We found Eddie." She asked as she walked over to him and he just looked up as Steve's car drove away.

"Chris... does drugs. Did you know that?" He asked and she steps back, shrugging. "I mean... yeah I guess I sort of knew, I just... Chris and I don't talk. Not like we use to." She shook her head and Icarus just sighs, looking down. "Icarus." She furrows her brows and he looks up at her. "It was up to you, as his sister to help him. And for him to help you, as his brother. Why are you both like this? Do you just not know how to talk?" He asked her angrily and she scoffs. "Easy for you to say, New Yorker." She says, sounding just as angry.

"Not all of us get to leave, not all of us just get to run away when it all gets a bit too much. Our brother died last summer, and you got to leave... we had to stay here and be reminded every single day since." She says and he just took a deep breath. "That's not fair, Max." He whispers as he looked down. "You blaming me is not fair either. Watching my other brother die then my big brother fade away like he's not himself is not fair." She says, her voice trembling as she spoke and he just stood up.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left." He says and she just sniffled. "Whatever." She muttered and brushed past him to head inside the home. Icarus sighed and sat back down onto the porch, rubbing his hands over his face before he got up and went back inside, finding Chris still peacefully sleeping so he grabs the tin.

Just as he thought of doing, he flushed the drugs and sat there on the floor, thinking it might be a bit of his fault for all of it. He sighed, leaning back against the wall as he set the now empty tin on the floor by him. Maybe it was a tiny bit of his fault. That guilt alone made him feel like shit. Like he shouldn't even be here. So, he got up and put back Chris' little tin box, grabbing his set of keys.

He looked over at Chris and sighed. He knows he promised him he'd be here through the withdrawals and he really does want to be supportive, but a little part of him feels like he shouldn't even be here to begin with. It's your fault. It's all your fault. You left him, you left the kids, you left Steve, you left Robin, you left everyone behind and made Chris a drug addict. It's all your fault. His mind told him as he now pulled into the long driveway.

He parked the car quickly and got out of the car, walking up to the front door before ringing the doorbell. He waited and then the two doors opened to Steve. "Hi..." He fidgets with the hem of his jacket as the Harrington stared at him confused. "Can I... crash here tonight?" He asked, glancing up and down as Steve stared blankly at him. Then he just nodded so Icarus walked in, following behind the other right up the staircase to Steve's bedroom.

As soon as they walk into Steve's room and the other turned to face him, Icarus grabbed Steve's face gently and leaned in, connecting their lips. Steve kissed back right away as his arms go around Icarus' waist, the two of them slowly stepping over to Steve's bed, Icarus' jacket coming off, the two pulling apart so Steve can take off his sleeping shirt, then push his sweatpants down before looking up at Icarus who's watching him intently. "Your turn." He reached out for Icarus' shirt and the taller complied, taking off his shirt and his pants before they lay in bed, kissing again, not rushing it but also rushing at the same time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

authors note what a slut. (me fr)
i fr would not be able to chose between chris and steve either tbh.

chris be having drug withdrawals while icarus is having steve withdrawals 😕