𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

x. I LOVE YOU.

     

     STEVE AND Icarus now lay side by side in Steve's now queen size bed, the taller unsure what he'd just done. He and Chris are not really a thing, sure, but he felt so bad. The way his heart and his mind felt as Steve was resting by his side, cuddled into a pillow. Icarus looked over at his ex-boyfriend, glancing down. Steve's leg is propped over another spare pillow and he's just laying there.

"Steve..." He said quietly and the other hums. "I'm sorry." He added and Steve sighed, nestling into the pillow he's on. "I'm sorry too." He murmured and Icarus leaned over, wrapping his arm around Steve's waist. He liked the way Steve cuddled into him, closing his eyes and relaxing in Icarus' arms. It felt... safe. Familiar. And warm. Steve always liked to cuddle afterwards, so when Steve fell asleep, Icarus leaned back and laid onto his side, facing the other way from Steve.

He falls asleep not long after and the next morning, he wakes up around maybe 5 am from how hot the room felt with Steve clinging to his back. He slowly sat up, rubbing the back of his neck and looked at Steve who's still sleeping, his arms no longer around Icarus but searching the spot next to him. "Hey," Steve murmured sleepily, slowly waking up and rising to sit up as Icarus stared at him.

"Sorry... but, uh, I should head back, um, to the Mayfield's." He said quietly and Steve just looked away. "Don't make that face." Icarus pleads and Steve glanced up at him, looking through his long and wispy eyelashes. "Make what face?" He glanced down again and Icarus just rolled his eyes, leaning down to press another kiss to the other's lips.

Steve leaned his head back, humming as he kissed back passionately before leaning back. "I still hate you." He says, it's clearly a joke as he laid back down, closing his eyes. "Okay, sure..." Icarus got up, grabbing his jacket and Steve chuckles quietly, falling back asleep pretty easily since it was still too early.

Icarus stood in the doorway for a bit, staring at Steve who always looks so pretty and peaceful in his sleep. He remembers one night so well that they spent here, he spent probably all night just staring at Steve in his sleep. It sounds a little creepy but there was something... really beautiful about it, how calmly he'd sleep. It always surprised Icarus who Steve had confided in about his nightmares, yet with Icarus by his side in bed, he never had those nightmares.

That must've been the case even now because Steve woke up later, holding his hands over his neck and taking big deep breaths before looking at the time. It's about 8 am, the sun's up and Icarus was no longer by his side so he plops down, closing his eyes. He can picture him so well, Icarus leaning over him with a small smile on his face before leaning down to kiss him gently. He opens his eyes and no, he's all alone. Like always. Steve sighed and got up with no doubt Dustin would be calling him any time soon about Eddie.

Meanwhile Icarus had gotten back to the Mayfield's around 5 am and just laid by his best friend, sometimes watching Chris sleep. Chris Mayfield is the opposite of Steve Harrington, in his sleep, his face scrunches up, his lip twitches and he winces or whimpers sometimes, as if something bad is after him.

And maybe something is, because he wakes up in a cold sweat, not being able to breath most nights, but not now, he just clung to Icarus' side and slowly got to calm down. "Rus," he murmured and the younger thought he woke up. "Yeah, Chris?" He says quietly, grabbing his arm. "I love you." The moment Chris said those three little words, Icarus' world came crashing down. He'd just gotten back from hooking up with Steve. He just froze.

And once it was 8 am, Chris finally woke up. "Rus. I wanna use the washroom." He whispered and Icarus looks at him. "Oh, yeah, sorry." He got out of bed and Chris got up, slowly but surely. When he did, he looked at Icarus straight in the eyes, "you should go with Max if she hasn't left already... I think that I'll be fine." He insisted and Icarus frowns. "Chris, I promised I'd stick with you through your withdrawals." He tells him.

"I'll be fine." Chris said, sounding stern as he left the bedroom. He didn't say it, but the truth was that Chris knows. He had woken up during the night when Icarus left, wondering where he'd gone off to but there was only one other person Icarus came back for. Steve. He laid there with self-doubt and jealousy before he finally fell back asleep. And even just now when he'd woken up, he smelled the scent of Steve on Icarus, practically all over him, so yeah. He got a little jealous. And petty.

Icarus sighed and glanced around the room when Max appears in the doorway, her arms crossed. "Trouble in paradise?" She asked and he quickly looked over. "No." He says right away and she sighs. "I'm heading over to Dustin's if you wanna come along. Steve is picking me up soon." She said and he got up, grabbing his jacket. "Yeah, sure." He says, rather a bit too quickly and a bit too excitedly.

They don't take the Thunderbird, Icarus leaves the keys in Chris' room and the two start walking to the trailer park entry way where Steve's car was. "I know you left last night. Was it to Steve's?" Max asked, glancing up at the taller who sure enough has a small smile when he and Steve make eye contact, so he looks at her. "No." He lied.

"I don't even care honestly, but... honestly, if you hurt Chris, I'd never forgive you. At least be communicative too like you want us to be." She said as she looks up at him again and he glanced at her. "Chris and I are just friends." He insisted and Max crossed her arms. "Then you might want to tell him that... because you're all he talked about for the past year." She said as they got to Steve's car, the front seat was up for grabs so Max gestured to it.

"Go on." She said as she hops into the backseat and he sighs, getting into the passenger seat. "Goodmorning." Steve greets them, looking in the driver side mirror to see if anyone was coming their way before driving off. "Morning." The two reply in monotone voices as Steve drove to Robin's place next.

After picking up Robin, they quickly head over to Dustin's where the boy was ready with his backpack and grocery bags full of food for Eddie in either hand. "So, what's the deal with Eddie?" Icarus asked, glancing behind during the drive and Max looks at Dustin who gladly took the middle seat who's been glancing between Steve and Icarus pretty much the whole time since he got into the vehicle.

"Chrissy died in front of him in a very gruesome way and he just ran away, it is definitely Upside Down stuff... and now the cops sort of think he did it. I heard it all on Cerebro." Dustin quickly explained to them before glancing back and forth between Steve and Icarus again as they finally arrive to Reefer Rick's.

"Wait, can we talk?" Steve asked Icarus suddenly when the other three got out from the back. He turns to him, "um, we don't really have much to talk about..." He simply says and Steve glanced away. "Right." He said and got out of the vehicle as well making Icarus sigh and follow after towards the boat shed, walking behind the other three leading the way.

authors note i'm kind of struggling to pick between steve and chris now that i've made icarus and steve... yk, so like i'm wondering which would be the better ending since for icarus, he and chris are just best friends who fooled around a bit but for him and steve, they're ex-boyfriends with a history. i'll think about it for now. just sit and ponder