permanent price ✷ alex karev

033. just for today

"just for today"
clairo

" honestly, i didn't think i'd end up here this time
or anywhere at all, i'm distant just enough to never fall behind
picturing the saddest scene of wearing bedsheets
and two pats on the back, "it just takes time"
it's getting late
since when did taking time take all my life?
mommy, i'm afraid i've been talking to the hotline again
it's stirring, but the ripples always seek out the ones who carry me, me
...
as we speak, i'm here to meet devils for tea
peering 'round the corner of my life
i throw my drink into the faces of my demise
at thirty, your honey's gonna ask you, "what the hell is wrong with me?"
and finally, an answer from your throat comes crawling
and you can proceed "

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

season 3, episode 18
scars and souvenirs

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

a lot had happened since the ferry accident. meredith had long gone home, but eleanor was still in the hospital being treated. burke, bailey, and the rest of the world were being especially protective, they all wanted to be sure her vitals and labs were stable before she was discharged.

the tube in her nose was painful, but the damage to her ego was even stronger. to have all of her co-workers and friends know all of her problems wasn't exactly ideal. not to mention the way everyone was walking on eggshells around her like she was a porcelain doll. like she might shatter at any moment.

and alex had moved into the house, which eleanor had yet to find out. he was planning on surprising her when she was discharged. part of it was because george's room opened up, but he was pretty sure the main reason meredith had offered was so he could keep an eye on eleanor.

not that they thought she needed a babysitter, but at the same time, somebody had to make sure she was alright, and who was going to do that if she won't ever talk about anything?

so he was moving in.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

"bailey, when am i getting out of here? i appreciate how thorough you're all being, but i'm okay. i'm gonna be okay, so..."

"you'll be out of here when you're ready to be out of here, shepherd."

"okay, but when is that going to be bailey?" eleanor asked, more impatiently.

"you say you're fine, but have you looked in the mirror recently? maybe you'll be ready to get out of here when you can admit that you're not ready, how about that?" bailey called her out.

"i'm not resisting treatment, bailey. if i was really all messed up like you think i am, i would be resisting, but i'm not. things got pretty bad, i lost control of the situation, but now that it's been addressed i'm getting my shit together. taking care of myself is getting moved up to the top of the to-do list, but laying here, in this room, in this fucking gown, with these stupid socks and paper underwear, it's not helping, bailey. i know that this stuff takes time, but i'm ready to move on with my life."