An Alienating Secret

Hey, Are You OK?

--Alana—

I was cooking dinner when I got a buzz on my phone. I rinsed my hands, picked my phone off the counter, and saw who the message was from. It was Conner.

"Hey, Mrs. Jerrak. I'm not sure if you'll read this right now or later, but I just wanted to ask for some advice. Anith came to us earlier today at school and said that her girl friends wanted to hang out with us. She said that we'd just hang out at least once to see if we could maybe all be friends. Andrew and Noah were unsure about it. I was too and said I would answer her tomorrow. Help me! I don't know what to do! It's not that I want Anith to keep going between two groups of friends, but... I just don't think that girls and I will click. They don't seem to like me very much."

I thought for a moment and then responded, "Well, they're obviously open to getting to know you. That's good, at least."

"But I don't want to be friends with them! I'd just do it for Anith."

"Do it for Anith how?"

"She said that it was weird for her to have two groups of friends. If we merged it to one group, then she'd be happy."

"I know my daughter. Anith wouldn't want to force you into anything."

"Yeah, that's what she said."

"Why not listen to her then? Also, keep in mind that the girls have their choice too."

"Yeah, I know!"

"Ok." I looked at my phone. Did I just strike a nerve?

"Sorry if that sounded angry, Mrs. Jerrak. Texts can really miscarry tones of voice."

"Oh, ok. I got concerned there for a second." I sent the message and then another one. "But does this topic make you angry?"

I waited a minute before Conner responded (during which I resumed a bit of cooking).

"It's not that it makes me angry, I just... i don't know how to say this but I know all the points you just said to me in my mind, but it doesn't make me feel better, if you know what i mean. I'm still a bit on edge. I feel really uncomfortable whenever I'm around those girls. It's cuz im different from them. They don't get me. What if I say something, and they laugh at me? What if they talk about me behind my back? I'm scared that we'll become close friends, and i'll actually start letting down my guard, when- all of a sudden- wham! They were making fun of me all the time without me knowing."

"I get that, Conner. That's a really tough situation to be in."

"But then another part of me says, 'Conner, come on. They might be nice. You might help open their horizons like Anith said'. And then I think about the other boys. They have no real reason to not like the girls, so of course they'll hang out together! And then ill be the odd one out and no one will understand me. Anith was the only one who understood me before, but she's already with the girls, so now im just by myself and I don't know what to do."

I took key notice that "Anith was the only one who understood me"... Poor kids. I hate bullying.

"Conner, the boys and Anith have your back. If the girls pick on you, then your friends will retaliate. Even more than that, you won't need to hang out with them anymore."

"But what if the boys don't notice? Or the girls are actually fun even though they say mean things?"

"If the boys don't notice, you should tell them about what the girls say. As for your second question, you have to think long-term. Is the friendship beneficial? Or are you going to be left worse for wear because of it?"

"But every friendship hurts at some point! How do I know when one should be ended?"

"There are certain red flags to look out for. I could try to explain them if you want."

"No, no. That has to be long. But could I tell you how things with the girls go? So we can look for red flags together?"

"Yes, of course. But does that mean you'll hang out with the girls?"

"I think I will. At least for one lunch. Thanks, Mrs. Jerrak."

"Wait, you're just going to be sitting with each other at lunch? You need something more fun than that! We could set up froyo or something outside of school. Even just for the boys, if you'd like."

"uh, well, my parents don't let me go out often. It took an arm and a leg to get me at the study sesh at your place (thanks again for that, btw)."

"No problem. It's sad that they don't let you go out more. I can try to convince them otherwise."

"Really? They might not like that."

"I can sound totally natural. There's a frozen yogurt place that's walking distance from the school. We could walk there as one big group instead of you taking the bus home. I could be the chaperone (so to speak) and drive anyone home if needed."

"Yeah, I'd need to be driven home for sure. My parents always get home late."

Ouch. I thought. "I can drive you home then."

"Should I talk to my friends about this tomorrow? Or will you talk to the parents?"

"Let's do both. That's usually how plans get done quick."

"Are you sure you're ok with this, Mrs. Jerrak?"

"Yeah. Even if no one else could come, I'd still want to take you to froyo to get you out of the house"

"My parents would never let me go by myself. No offense, but they barely know you."

"None taken. I understand completely. I'm just trying to think of how I can let you have a bit of fun when your parents are so busy."

"I really don't need any of that, Mrs. Jerrak. I'll be fine as is."

"Ok, if you're sure."

"Honestly, this stuff is exciting enough already. Thank you so much for all this."

"I'm just happy I could help." I responded.

Later, I asked Anith if she wanted to go to froyo with her friends. She didn't mention at all how the two groups could go together, and I didn't want to bring it up (me texting Conner should remain secret).

The next day, once Anith got "yes"s from all the boys about trying to hang out with the girls, she asked me if I could take all the friends together. I jumped at the chance (though trying to seem natural, of course). We talked to the kids and the parents. Soon enough, all but Brie, Raya, and Brian could come this Friday. Each kid would bring their own money, and I would drive Conner and Jenna home.

I'm excited.