Roman Verlice, manipulated from childhood to blend into corners without so much as a sound and to accept the love that was deemed normal, left her cold and quiet, conformed to the way of life that was forced upon her. But now she's left alone and un...
It's been three weeks since I went to the hospital and they put in a pacemaker because I refused to accept the heart my brothers offered me and UNOS hasn't found one for me yet.
They've all been around so much, making sure I'm ok and feeling good, that I'm not stressing myself out and taking it easy.
But I'm not sure I know what to do with all their love.
And on some level I hate myself for that because no matter what I do I just can't seem to be ok, I can deceive and pretend to be so that I can feel like I'm not destroying their lives but in the end it's just really fucking hard to always feel so exhausted from pretending.
And I hate that by doing this, on some level I'm hurting them still.
"Amour?" Augustus says bringing me out of my daze.
The French doors are open as a slight breeze prickles up my arms and the town below quiets down as it gets darker.
Humming in response I feel Augustus walk up behind me, his fingers against my shoulders creating a warmth against the chill.
"It's cold amour, come on" he mumbles before coming around to the front of the chair and lightly picking me up, my legs circling around his waist and my head dipping into his neck.
He walks over to my bed before putting me down and laying next to me before pulling the blankets up.
His arm encircles my waist before pulling me flush against his warm body, he lays on his back while I'm on my side before he grabs the bend of my knee and pulls upward toward his waist, draping my leg over him while his hand remains on my thigh.
"Do you think they'll forgive me?" I murmur unable to keep my question to myself.
"Who love?"
"All of them, do you think they'll forgive me for what I've put them through?" He immediately knows who I'm talking about as his hand starts drawing small circles on my outer thigh.
"Amour, you have nothing to be forgiven for. Your brothers love you with everything they have and nothing would change that, you've had a difficult time and they know that, and I think it makes them love you more seeing how you've gotten through it all" he whispers as his hand comes upward and traces my cheekbone.
His words seem to subdue some of my thoughts as I meekly nod my head and lean into his palm.
"Will you forgive me?" I mumble into his chest inaudibly terrified of his answer.
"Amour, I'm jealous of my shirt getting all your attention. I can't hear your pretty voice clearly" he says with a slight chuckle as I unbury my face from his shirt fabric and look upwards meeting his overcast blue eyes.
"Will you forgive me?" I murmur once again.
"For what?" He says confused.
"Everything. For my inability to be ok. For putting you through having to see me like this and help me. For everything. I'm not normal and I'm dragging you into my constant shit. And your.. your just so good and I'm not, I never will be" I say quietly not able to look into his pure eyes any longer.
He tilts my chin upwards once again meeting my gaze as I see pain pouring from his eyes.
"Roman please amour, don't ever think that you have to apologize for anything to anyone and especially never to me. You could never do anything that would make me not adore you...I would literally get on my knees for you. And I understand what you've been through but I will never leave you, and I'll never ask you to be sorry for the things that you've survived because it just makes me worship you so much more"
His fingers hold securely onto the nape of my neck, not allowing my eyes to stray from his. Tears line my eyes at his words, appreciating him more than I thought I possibly could.
"Please tell me you understand that amour" his voice pleads.
I nod shortly before I dive my face into his neck and wrap my body around his, his arms snake around my waist securely holding me in place as he inhales deeply.
My body shifts completely on top of his as my fingers dive into the hair at the nape of his neck. His fingers slide beneath my hoodie and trace up and down as he sighs comfortably.
"You're my favourite feeling Roman" he murmured into my ear.
Fuck me.
I think he's my most beautiful someone.
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