You or no one |BTS JIMIN FF|

43

I barely spoke the rest of the evening. I just kept to the side, moving away from him when I had the chance. He didn't try to speak to me either, which was painful but probably for the better. I exchanged 2 sentences with him, and almost fell apart. I don't think I could handle any more.

I did act normal with everyone else, though. Even if I didn't, no one would say a thing.

By the end of the night, Hobi got knocked out by Soju and fell asleep on the couch. Kookie and Taehyung ended up drawing stupid stuff on his face while he was out. Yoongi took pictures. Poor Hoba.

Everyone disbanded at about 2 in the morning, it was pretty late and people got tired and sleepy.

'I'll see you guys later. I need to get some sleep.' Jimin started hugging everyone, one by one, thanking them. He stopped in front of me, not sure what to do. We were just looking into each other's eyes, not even blinking. He looks at me just like he did back then. It doesn't look like much changed.

'Umm.. thanks for the painting.' He smiles at me weakly

'Don't mention it. Drive safe.' I smile at him. I can't hug him. Not a chance. I won't want to let go.

He nodded lightly at me. 'Will do.' He said, walking out, wishing everyone good night.

I looked after him for a minute before I spoke.
'Kookie, are you ready?' I ask him, barely making out the words

'Sure. Are you okay?' He asks. I felt everyone else stare at me as well.

'Mhm. I'll be in the car.' I felt tears coming up so I rushed out without saying a word to the rest of them.

'Yuna!' I heard Namjoon call after me but I already got out, walking to my car. I could barely see where I was going from the tears that blurred my vision.
I took a deep breath, drying my eyes before I walked to my car. I'll apologise to them tomorrow.

I sat in my car for a few minutes, gripping the steering wheel with my hands, breathing in and out to calm myself down. Jungkook finally showed up after 5 minutes, sitting down on the seat next to me, and buckling himself in.

'You held on pretty well. I thought it was going to be worse.' He says calmly

'I'm not doing this again.' I say as I turn on the engine

'Are you just going to avoid him for the rest of your life?' He chuckles a bit, trying to lighten up the mood

'Only until I am over him.'

The car ride home was quiet, with only a radio going on in the background. Kookie didn't ask any more questions, and I didn't want to talk about it.

I went straight to bed after that. I felt like I did all those months ago. I just broke down again.
Seeing him again brought back all the memories of what it used to be like. He was the old Jimin tonight. My Jimin.

I cried myself to sleep, sobbing quietly into my pillow.

JIMIN POV

I almost had a heart attack seeing her today. Even though I was hoping to see her, I didn't expect her to actually come.

The moment I saw her, I wanted to run to her, but my legs were cemented to the floor.
I didn't know what to do with myself. I just said her name and got lost after that.

She spoke to me, smiling at me. She is smiling. She is doing okay. Unless she is giving me that scary realistic fake smile. Knowing her she probably is.

If the guys didn't pretty much carry me out of that hallway, I'd be stuck there, just looking at her. I tried to act normal, joking and all. But then seeing the painting she did gave me another heart attack. She said she did it months ago but didn't have a chance to give it to me. Of course she didn't have a chance. I fucked it up before she had one.

I was more than aware of her the entire night. I couldn't care less about the rest of them when she's there. I just want her back. I was looking at her at any moment I could. I felt like we were back in high school when I tried to keep all of my feelings a secret. I saw her looking at me more than once, averting her eyes right away.

When I was leaving I hugged everyone, hoping she might want to hug me as well. But she only smiled at me, keeping her distance. I was this close to just throwing myself at her. I was barely able to look away.

Why did I have to be such an idiot and lose her?! It took me months to pick myself back up. I couldn't even go to the academy for days after she left me. If only I could rewind the time and punch myself in the face...

Now, I'm sitting on the floor, leaning on my bed. I opened her painting and laid it on the floor in front of me.
I feel like a little boy, hugging my knees, crying. I don't know what to do.

Should I call her? No, that's a terrible idea.
Maybe I should send her a message?

I opened my phone and clicked on her name. What do I tell her?
I typed about a dozen of different things and deleted them all.

I'll just ask Kookie instead

Me
Is she alright?

JK
Hyung, the last 25 messages are the same

Me
Do you think she'll agree to see me if I ask her?

JK
Maybe don't do that

Me
I just need 5 minutes to talk to her

JK
Look, she's been through enough. Tonight was tough for her, and she said she won't see you again. So for her own good, leave her be. If she wants you, she will call you.

She doesn't want to see me again? I guess I lost her completely.

Me
Okay. I'll stay away then. Please, take care of her for me.

If that's what she wants, then that's what I'll do.
I'll stay away. And if she ever wants me back, I'll run to her.