You or no one |BTS JIMIN FF|

48

We were laying on my bed, tangled up. He was holding me closely pressed to his chest, his cheek leaning on my forehead. It was silent and you could only hear our slow breathing. I did not want to move even an inch. Everything I wanted was right in my arms.

He felt me squeeze him a little bit, and it made him chuckle.
'What is it?' He asked in a soft tone

'I was just thinking how you're everything I ever wanted, and you're right here with me.' I tell him honestly

'There is no other place for me but next to you.' He squeezes me back, leaving a kiss on my forehead

We were silent for a while, but there was so much I wanted to ask him.
'Can I ask you something? And I want you to be honest.' I ask

'Of course. Ask me anything you want.' He says calmly

'Were you really okay, or did lie to make me feel better?' I ask

'I meant what I said. Without you, I'm not even alive. These last 2 years of my life were like a nightmare, and I just felt stuck in it. I knew that if I ever lost you it would hurt unimaginably, but I never thought it would make me feel completely dead. After you left me, I just couldn't deal with the pain. I spent days in my bed, to the point I went numb. And the thought that you might be going through the same thing because of me, was making it even worse. I wanted to come to you. To beg you to take me back. But I thought it would only make it worse. I didn't want you to hate me.'
He said all of it with so much pain in his voice, that it made me want to cry

'So you did lie.' I figured he would. 'Not that I can blame you. I did the same thing.' I admit

'I know.' He says. 'Jungkook told me everything this morning. He told me how you locked yourself up for days and even ended up in a hospital.' His voice was quiet, and it still cracked.
'Can you tell me how you've been after?' He asks

'Same as you. Not feeling much. I just tried to keep myself as busy as I possibly could, but it rarely worked. I'd cry myself to sleep all the time, looking through the pictures I had of us. I couldn't deal with the fact that you weren't around anymore. Then I saw you on your birthday, and all the months of work I put in just faded away as fast as you said my name. That's when I decided to stay away. I thought if I didn't see you, I'd get over you. To say that it failed would be an understatement. I just made both of us suffer. I watched you on TV with the guys, and then I'd fall apart when I was on my own. I've been missing you more than I could ever put into words. I'd be okay, and then at least once a week I'd feel like I was being ripped apart and would cry for hours. The last time was just last week. I wanted to call you so many times, just to hear your voice, but I kept stopping myself.'

'As much as I hate and disgust myself because I brought you all of this pain, I'm at least happy you're being honest with me. This is the first time ever that you didn't try to hide anything with a smile. First time I've seen you cry and break down. First time you told me the truth about what's going on. Thank you.' He says, hugging me tightly

'I've been pretending and lying to everyone. I'm not going to do that with you. Never again. I promise.' I hug him back, pressing myself to him as close as I can
'And you're not the one that brought me the pain. I did it myself. I'm the one that left. I'm the one who kept you away. None of those were your choices. If anyone should be hating themselves, it should be me.'

'You never would have left if I didn't fuck up in the first place. I didn't know how to manage everything at the same time, and I ended up putting you last without even realising I did it. I never wanted to do that. I just hoped that if you did get over me, you would find someone who would treat you better than I could.' He sniffled saying the last part.