Thinking of You

Part 1

What do you say to the person you love more than anything? To the person who makes you feel like you can carry the world on your shoulders? To the person who has you floating on nothing but air whenever they're around? To that one special person who gives you everything you could ever want, but what you truly desire is just out of reach, taunting you every day, laughing in the face of your fear and cowardice? What do you say?

To be blunt, Goku wasn't the best at spilling out his feelings. Whenever he tried, the words would die in his throat, leaving him speechless and standing there like a loser. One of his biggest fears was making a fool out of himself in front of the one person he's been trying to impress for months. True, when it came to crushes and liking someone, Goku wasn't exactly a master at it. But he always felt a certain way whenever a certain Saiyan was around him. The kind of feeling you get when you really want to do something but you're also afraid you'll get in trouble. He practiced confessing to his crush in the mirror for hours on end, but it always ended the same: him, talking to his reflection, and feeling like a coward for not telling his crush straight to his face.

Goku sighed as he sat by himself in a fairly busy cafe, his hands wrapped around a warm cup of hot chocolate. Chocolate always cheered him up, but, for some reason, it wasn't doing its usual magical job. It still tasted good, which was a relief. If chocolate stopped tasting amazing, Goku didn't know what he would do. Maybe sue the chocolate company? That'd be a solid start.

This sucks, Goku thought as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. I've fought so many bad guys so many times. I've died a total of five times, and one was to aid in killing my evil brother, Raditz. I've been to a handful of planets and even fought a GOD one-on-one. If I can do all that without a hitch, why is it so hard to simply confess my feelings to someone I've known pretty much my whole life?

He huffed and slunk down lower in his chair, glancing out the large window to his right. People passed by with shopping bags in their hands, others carrying children, and others alone. He used to wonder why the ones who were always alone looked so sad, but now he felt that he understood. It was because they were alone that made them sad. Is this how single people feel?

...

Goku left the cafe after a solid hour of lonesome sulking, hands stuffed in his pockets as he walked down the sidewalk. He didn't really have a destination in mind, so he settled for just walking to random places. He didn't want to be alone, so he figured that if he were outside, with other people but also not with other people, he wouldn't be alone.

It was dark, and the shops along the bustling street were lit up and busy as usual. The street lights illuminated the sidewalk, as well as car headlights and shop lights. Goku peeked in a few windows he passed, giving stiff smiles to those who looked back at him. He kept his head down for the most part, not wanting to get caught in a conversation with someone. He wasn't in the best of moods, and he didn't want people asking him what was wrong. Nothing was really wrong, exactly. He was just stupid.

His apartment wasn't far. It was only two whole blocks from the cafe he had been at. All he had to do was keep going straight and he would be there in less than ten minutes. But he didn't feel like going home. He didn't feel like being alone with his thoughts. They invaded his sanity and drove him to the brink of intense frustration and anger. Anger at himself for not having the balls to say something to a truly special person in his life. For all he knew, Vegeta could be with someone else right now, and it would be his fault for not saying something sooner.

Vegeta, Goku repeated the name in his head over and over again. He never got tired of that name. It was the name of his crush, if you couldn't already tell. The name of his favorite person. The name of the special person who gave him butterflies in his stomach whenever they were in the same room, or within 10 feet from each other. Goku knew he was probably overreacting when it came to the feelings he got when he looked at the Prince, but he wasn't good at explaining feelings. It wasn't his forte, as Piccolo liked to say. Goku didn't know what forte meant, or how to spell it, but he figured it was a feeling people got when they were making forts. Goku liked to make lots of forts, but he never got the type of feeling he got when Vegeta was around him. If he had to try to describe it, he would say it felt like there was a tightness in his chest that wouldn't go away for the longest time. It was like Vegeta had this hold over him, this insanely strong grip over Goku's heart and brain and every other part of his body, and wouldn't let him go. Goku didn't want Vegeta to let him go. Goku wanted to get his feelings across to Vegeta more than anything, but he was afraid. Afraid of how Vegeta would react. Afraid that Vegeta would get mad at him, which wouldn't be too far out of Vegeta's personality. He was always angry. Which made Goku even more scared to tell him how he really felt. If you knew Vegeta like Goku did, you would realize how reasonable Goku's fear was. Vegeta knew that people were afraid of him. He just had an air around him that screamed "asshole." Vegeta never denied always looking angry or upset about something. He always said it was because everything annoyed him. Goku figured that was true enough, since the Prince was easily irritated.