I dreamed of you last night
I who never dreamed of you
when you were alive.
You seemed unhappy with the afterlife
but would not say why.
You spoke with your grieving wife and kids
whom you had left behind
although in life you had neither.
That was when I knew
the dream was false
or a wish-fulfillment.
I don't believe suicide is an unpardonable sin
but I believe it is a great sin.
Your mother cries and cries for you
scours every little piece of writing you've left behind.
In the dream
she lay on the couch, sedentary, grieving.
You were invisible but I saw you.
She was so glad of that,
that I could see you....
the dead you.
And I relayed your messages to her.
She was so happy to hear from you...
even through me.
I do not believe suicide is an unpardonable sin
but I believe it is a great, great sin.
I do not think you are burning in hell forever.
But neither do I think your suicide was nothing at all.
Your self-ordained death happened at some cost
to heaven and to yourself.
I must stop grieving for you.
