My son's non-verbal
Diagnosed as developmentally delayed, autistic.
I don't know what he understands.
He seems to understand much of what I say
But certain things
Prepositions, pronouns, inverting you to I...
they confuse him.
He laughs to himself sometimes
Sometimes I understand why.
But more often
I wonder what his sense of humor is.
If he could talk, what would he talk about?
I hear his heart, though.
And he hears mine.
For the most part.
Once I went to a healing service
at the convent up the road.
When we stood before the priest,
he asked God to give me strength
to endure my suffering
to endure the blessing and the great spiritual task
I had received from God.
I told him,
"I don't believe God micromanages suffering in people's lives
for some mysterious greater good.
And there is a child there
a voice in my son that wishes to speak.
I frickin asked you for a prayer,
not for advice
or stupid spiritual platitudes.
Do you not understand my heart?
What stale language you use?
Be mindful, be real, be here
and talk to me!"
Two weeks or so later
I got the kindest letter from him.
He was sorry, he said.
"Yes," he said, "I will pray for your son's voice to be heard."
