A dive bar and a dreamer

Feelings and fright

I can't even respond to his question, I'm in such shock I question if this is actually real. He doesn't need me to respond. He quickly flicks the lighter and holds it to the end of my cigarette. I let out the breath I'm holding and take in a long drag watching the cherry glow orange as I try to process the situation. Words aren't coming to me and I am tempted to just bolt. Eddie's face shows that he knows I'm working through what I want to say, his mouth is scrunched up in concern with his eyebrows drawn down towards his questioning brown eyes. He isn't moving away from me, but he also isn't coming in closer. Both of us are locked in hesitation of where to take this conversation next. The silence is deafening, our breathing the only sound filling the silence of the parking lot. I take a few more drags and begin to roll the cigarette between my thumb and pointer finger and look at it. Breaking the eye contact pulls me out of my own head and the shock quickly turns into anger.

" So where the fuck have you been? I understand if I scared you off, but you could have at least called to tell me that I blew my shot.'' I pull my shoulders up and raise my eyebrows at him, eyes full of attitude.

" No you didn't, so calling you to say that would have been a complete lie. I just had a lot going on the last few days. I didn't mean to make you think that, but honestly you didn't seem like the type to be waiting by the phone. I'm sorry Y/n, I really am.'' He lowers himself to his knees and sits directly in front of me. Our foreheads are almost touching. His breath on my skin has my stomach doing flips. I toss the cigarette butt across the parking lot and rub the back of my neck. Looking directly into his eyes it's time to let him have it.

" No, I am not the kind to just sit and wait by the phone for some dude to call. But I let you in! I let you in on my closest most well kept secret, I let my guard down for you and you were there for me. I haven't even told my closest friends about that and that isn't me trying to guilt you into having feelings for me or whatever. I'm just pointing out that I gave a hidden part of me to you and the least you could do was have some kind of contact. Even if it was to tell me just to kick rocks, I deserved something! I have been an anxious mess since you left about whether it scared you off, if you were going to tell people it was awful!'' I'm clenching my teeth to keep from yelling at him. I don't deserve much in this world but something about telling him everything and then radio silence just made me irate.

" I wasn't scared off, and even if I had been I damn sure wouldn't be running to tell anyone what you went through it isn't my story to tell. I needed to process this shit and remind myself that hunting this mother fucker down and killing him wasn't a great idea. I mean it is, but you know what I mean." He sighs as he drops down to his butt and pulls me into his chest resting his chin on the top of my head. Wrapping his arms around my shoulders I let myself relax into him and wait for him to go on.

" I needed to calm down. I knew you were already upset and on edge and me being angry around you at that time wasn't gonna be good for you mentally, I needed a distraction. So with the wedding this weekend I threw myself into that. I have had the boys locked inside Gareths garage and did nothing but practice." He strokes my hair and with every word and every movement I can feel tension leaving my body. He didn't hate me, or think less of me. He wanted to murder Ray! He also knew in my state being around an angry man would probably send me over the edge, even if the anger wasn't directed towards me. It makes my heart pound knowing the thing I had feared wasn't even close to what was really going on. If anything it's the opposite. He's looking out for me, he cares so much that he had to talk himself out of killing the man who hurt me.

" Well I think that I forgive you for not calling, and appreciate how much you seem to give a shit. It means a lot. But, next time you need to just disappear, at least have someone pass the message. Let me know it isn't me you're upset with, and you'll be back when you're calmer ." I snake my hands around his abdomen and pull him closer to me, not that we could get too much closer. I look up at him with tears in my eyes and a smile that says all I need to say. His smile is just as big as cups his hand under my chin and pulls it up towards his mouth and gives me the softest kiss I have ever had. There's no wild lust, or crazy passion in this kiss. It is intimate and tender, loving almost. Nothing else needs to be said. That single kiss solidifies both our feelings and it was time to let the past be the past. Work together to move forward and heal.

There is a loud bang of the side door flying open and banging off the side of the building followed by a booming voice making me and Eddie both jump.

" Alright bartender we're here to party so let's get those drinks pouring!" a slightly disheveled hopper who looks like he is having the time of his life is standing in the doorway with a shit eating grin plastered across his face. Eddie is giggling into the back of my head, knowing that if Hop hears him he is going to make him regret it. I let out a small giggle of my own and stand up using Eddie's shoulder as a point of balance to push off of. I extend my hand to him and motion towards the bar with my head as he pulls himself to his feet.

" Come on, stay with me till my shift is over. I am sure you're going to want to see this shit"