Everyone is insane

Chapter 24

Matthew's POV:

All I do is stare at the diary.

There is no way Kas had done that, there's no way she's a psycho.

"Matt," Sam says making me look up "What do we do?"

There's nothing I can say, all my words are taken away from me.

I just shake my head and close the book.

"Report it, I guess," I say while sighing.

"She's our friend-"

"So was Finnie," I say "If she actually cared about us she would have just broken up with him not killed him"

Sam looks worried.

I pull his hand to sit down next to me "I know it's hard but we need to do this" I tell him "If we don't and they find out we knew, we will be in a lot of trouble, do you understand?"

Sam nods while blowing out a big breath "The thing is I love her" he tells me.

I want to understand him but I don't. 

I have always been confused about the subject of love.

Some people say I haven't met the right person but they're wrong.

I've only had one relationship in my life but it was only for fame in high school, I never caught feelings for anyone.

Everyone I have been on dates with I never had feelings for them.

There was this one boy I wanted to love but I somehow couldn't.

I always thought I was broken and didn't work properly.

I still feel like that but now that I understand myself more I scold myself less.

"You do?" I ask.

Sam looks at me and nods "I always have been, Matthew"

"What's it like?"

He looks at me with a sympathetic smile "Sometimes for someone it may feel amazing like you've found everything you need in life but sometimes when you know you can't be with that person it hurts and it makes you want to cry all the time till the point you can't even look at them" Sam looks down at his fidgety hands "Have you ever been in love?"

"I don't know"

Sam looks at me confused "Have you still valued someone after you broke up with them?" he asks me.

I don't know how to remind him that I've only been in one relationship that didn't even matter to me.

"No," I say

"Did you move on easily?"

"Yes," I tell him "Can I tell you something?" I ask and Sam nods "I have had only one partner in my life, Sam, and she didn't mean anything to me" I confess "I only dated her for fame and I know she dated me because she was bored"

He stares at me as though I told him that before "I thought you dated that guy with the guitar too"

"We only went on one date," I remind him "He liked me more than I liked him I guess"

Sam slowly puts his hand on my knee so I look at him while he's already looking into my eyes "It's not your fault" he tells me "It was never your fault"

My throat starts to sting while I stare at Sam's eyes and tears start to swell up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I say whiles covering my face and looking away from him.

Sam rubs my back  "It's okay take your time" he tells me and I turn around to hug him.

"It's okay," he tells me "You're okay"

"I want to be normal," I tell him "I want to love"

"Look at me, Matt" he demands and so I do as he says "There's always platonic relationships or close friendships," he tells me "Do you like sex?"

Did this guy really just ask me that?

"Yes..." I say slowly.

"There's always sex partners"

I laugh.

I cannot believe Sam just said that to me.

We both start laughing until Sam takes the diary off of me "No but for real, what do we do with this?"

The mood is ruined.