City of Dreams

21.

The path to the Truth is a labour of the heart, not of the head. Make your heart your primary guide! Not your mind. Some people make the mistake of confusing 'submission' with 'weakness,' whereas it is anything but. Submission is a form of peaceful acceptance of the terms of the universe, including the things we are currently unable to change or comprehend. Don't ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence.   

                                                                          

                                                                                           ***

"What's ifs never happen, Sidharth... You cannot go back and change that, but you can start where you are and change the ending."

Her words were resonating in his mind. She was the one who said those words during the beginning days of Kailash trip in that park bench in a children's area in the small motel, for his questions of "What if's." He could clearly recall everything that happened on that trip. Even what she wore, how she touched his hands, their first kiss. Was she the same person, the one who was questioning him about what he said 5 months back?

She questioned him again on the bus while returning from Kailash trip towards the end and then again today. He wondered why she was so insecure. He left no stone unturned to placate and validate his love for her. The more he tried the worse her insecurity was becoming.

It felt like he was walking bare foot over the hot coals.

Declarations can be dramatic, or they can be simple and straightforward. But one thing is certain: Without them, nothing changes. We simply stick with the current paradigm or the old declaration. Where, then, do declarations come from? The most effective place is a "what if?" question. Questions literally open (and close) pathways in your brain. Like an itch, questions need to be scratched.

A normal question such as these, "Will you ask me to leave?" or "When will you marry me?" or "Are you bored of me?" or "Will you love anyone else besides me?" The brain would quickly create an acceptable answer as it would know how to answer with similar precedents and experiences it had from the past or from known from whom it has gained an experience from. Notice how the mind immediately conjures up options that are most likely known entities. "No or Yes" for the first question. "Soon or a specific month" for the second one, so on and so forth for the other questions.

But the power of a "What if?" question can be visionary. The brain will not have a previous precedent, paradigm, or example to rely upon for an acceptable answer. It can often create strong emotions.

When Shehnaaz asked, "What if you get bored of me while I stay here?" "What if one day you just ask me to leave?" "What if you like the heroine of your movie and ask me to finish what we have?" Sidharth was not able to form an answerable structure and it produced a new mandate. A structure which needed to be proved, however, was not required but it had the power of a subtle hint of another person's inner consciousness which was the true guide of outer consciousness.

Her question led him to think about a beautiful, powerful act, namely a declaration of a previously conventional outcome.

He did not blink his eye the whole night. He was enraged, offended by the chaos of insecurity she had in her mind. She has been constantly seeking validation and reassurance from him since their trip from Kailash. He thought it was normal, of what she had gone through in the past. He was also going through that. He knows their past will always haunt them now and then, it was unavoidable.