UNHOLY

#UNHOLY31

Pagkatapos ng emosyonal na pag uusap naming iyon ni Nikolai ay ako na ang nag aalaga dito. Minsan nga lang ay pinipigilan ako ni Nikolai pati na rin ni Adrian kasi masama sa akin ang magpuyat. Naiintindihan ko naman at unti unti naman nang bumubuti ang kalagayan ni Nikolai kaya't paminsan minsan nalang akong pumunta doon.

Halos dalawang linggo pang nanatili si Nikolai sa ospital dahil kinailangan pa siyang obserbahan at siguraduhin na walang ibang naapektuhan sa kanya. Pagkatapos niyon ay gusto sana ng mga magulang nito na doon muna sa bahay nila manatili upang maalagan, kaya lang tumutol si Nikolai at sinabing doon nalang kami sa condo.

Kahit awkward man ay naglakas loob akong nagpaalam sa mga magulang ni Nikolai na ako ang mag aalaga dito at na hindi na nila kailangang mag alala pa. Pero hindi naman iyon mawawala sa mga magulang na mahal ang kanilang anak kaya naiintindihan ko rin.

Now, a week after Nikolai and I settled in his condo, I decided to talk to my parents and end whatever it is that they are doing to me and to the people I love. I don't have any contact with them kaya kinailangan ko pa ulit humingi ng tulong kay Adrian. He set up a dinner with my parents pero ang hindi alam ng mga ito na ako ang makakausap nila.

I am nervous, to be honest. But I am braver than before. Maybe because I am not expecting anything anymore. And that people get to choose what they want in their lives. And I chose to be happy. I chose to be at peace and let go of the things that I cannot fix especially if it is not my fault.

That I don't have to please other people because there are people who are willing to accept and love me for who I am.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Nikolai asked me.

Ngayong gabi kasi ang dinner at kasalukuyan akong nag aayos. Ayoko sana siyang sumama pero ayaw niya rin akong umalis na mag isa lang. Makes sense kasi buntis ako. A week or two from now ay kabuwanan ko na. Kaya kinailangan nang matapos ang lahat ng ito bago ko pa man isilang ang anak namin. Because this is as good as a fresh and new start for me...for us.

"Yes, love. Let's do this once and for all."

I was standing in front of the whole body mirror wearing a formal black maternity dress. He hugged me from the back and I leaned on him to feel more of his body warmth.

"I just don't want you to get hurt.."

I smiled and turned around to face him. I hooked my arms around his neck while his hands are resting on my waist.

"This is inevitable...I don't want to keep on thinking about what ifs in the future, love. I may get hurt...but that is given because they are my parents but what ever the outcome will be, I'll accept it."

He forced a smile and I still can see the worry in his eyes. He kissed my forehead before we decided to go.

I was quiet inside the car on the way to the restaurant. I am nervous and my heart is beating so loud. Nikolai felt it that he gave my hand a squeeze. Making me feel his support.

When we arrived, I told Nikolai to not come inside with me. I told him to wait for me outside where he can get a table since Adrian got a VIP room in the restaurant. Natatakot kasi ako na may gagawin na naman si daddy kay Nikolai kaya as much as possible ayaw ko silang magkita. Mahaba habang diskusyon pa iyon kaya lang ay mahal na mahal lang siguro ako ni Nikolai na pagbibigyan niya ako palagi. Sinabi ko naman sa kanya na huwag mag alala at hindi naman ako magtatagal. Hindi naman siguro mananakit ng buntis ang daddy ko?

Hinalikan ko si Nikolai ng isang beses bago ako tumalikod. Bumuntong hininga ako bago tuluyang pumasok.

My heart jumped when I saw a smile in their faces pero kaagad iyong nawala nang makita ako. I even heard a gasped when they saw how big my stomach is now.

"Why are you here?"

Kaagad na tumayo ang daddy. Hinawakan naman ito ni mommy upang pakalmahin. Hindi ko mabasa ang emosyon niya pero wala na akong pakialam.

Nagawa ko paring humakbang papalapit sa kanila kahit kinakabahan. Iniisip ko nalang na naghihintay sa akin ang mapapangasawa ko sa labas para pakalmahin ang sarili.

"H-Hi..."

Nakaupo na ngayon silang dalawa sa harapan ko. My dad's angry face is showing while my mom is calm. Himala.

"I'm sorry that you are disappointed. I asked Adrian to contact you because I want to talk to you."

Hindi ko na sila matawag na mommy at daddy kasi parang ma o-offend pa sila kapag lumabas iyon sa bibig ko.

"Hanggang ngayon sinungaling ka parin. Nanggagamit ka parin ng ibang tao upang makuha ang gusto mo." That went out of my dad's mouth.

That stung...but I didn't dwell on that. Buntis ako at mababaw lang ang emosyon ko kaya kailangan kong makontrol ang sarili ko.

"I understand that you are disappointed...but I am here to clear things out anyway."

"First, I am not really sure kung ano ang kasalanan ko sa inyo para gawin sa akin ito." Hindi na ako nagpaliguy ligoy pa. "I followed everything you want. Live my life the way you want it to be, marry someone I don't even love. Not letting me handle the business and not letting me make my own dream—"

"That's because you owe everything to us kaya dapat lang na ibalik mo sa amin ang ibinigay namin sa iyo." Still dad.

"Pero hindi ko hiningi ang kung anumang bagay na ibinigay ninyo sa akin, dad. Because the things that you gave cannot be compared to my experiences as your daughter....as your own child.." nagsimula na akong maging emosyonal.

"Inaamin ko naman na malaki ang kasalanan ko...sa kasal namin ni Adrian...dalawa kaming nagkasala...pero kahit noon pa man, ganito na ang trato ninyo sa akin. Na ipinanganak lang ako para gamitin niyo..." napahikbi ako. "A-At wala kayong karapatang saktan ang taong tanging nagparamdam at nagturo sa akin kung paano mahalin...hindi n'yo siya kailangan idamay dahil sa totoo lang...s-siya nalang ang meron ako—"

"That's because everything was ruined when you came!"

Tila nabingi ako dahil sa sinabi ni daddy. Nawala ang paghikbi ko ngunit mas nanatili ang luha sa mga mata.

Hinawakan ulit ni mommy si daddy at tila nag uusap ang mga mata nila bago ako walang emosyon na binalingan ni mommy.

I saw her swallowed hard before she even speak.

"Y-Your b-biological father...r-raped me..."