BLACK ROSE

The new start

Ashley. 

In an attempt to start over, I've decided to dedicate more time to school. I've come to the realisation that for the time being I don't necessarily need friends. A few could be fine, yes. Though I'm not going to push it, I'm going to let the situation evolve naturally.

I've brought my old morning routine back to life. A perfect morning routine creates the perfect day, someone once told me. It's time for me to try it out.

I start my day with some light stretching exercises, then take a quick morning shower. In a good mood I head downstairs. My father's gone, as always. Only Elena is in the kitchen, making herself a cup of morning coffee. I suppose she could be labelled as a maid, though I've never addressed her like that. She's always been there for us, ever since I remember. When the news of us moving away spread out, she didn't hesitate a second to move with us. All she ever told me was that Florida was never her home.

"Your father will come home very late tonight," she starts to speak as we're eating. "You will be eating dinner alone."

Of course I will, I think to myself. He lied to me once again. His words had no meaning, again. This time I'm not hurt, I was expecting it. I had enough time to prepare myself, it's no surprise.

"Do you want to eat dinner with me?" I ask her.

I'm tired of eating alone so often. It's getting more and more depressing each day. I can't even say there's peace in it anymore. That has vanished a long time ago. She used to eat with me when I was younger, and my parents weren't home. I guess as I grew up it was a mutual agreement to let me silently distance myself.

"I would love to, thank you."

"I have an idea." I look at her smiling. "What if we all went out tonight and got something to eat, huh? We would spend some time together, get to know each other better, but also the city and what it has to offer."

"But I told you your father is busy today."

"My father is busy every day," I say, which is a bit more harsher than I intended. "And I didn't have him in mind."

She looks confused at me. I think she wants to tell me something wise, something about how I should appreciate my father, everything he has done for me and blablabla. But I never asked for any of it, and I think she realises it, because she doesn't say anything. Maybe I should appreciate that man more, but how can I, when I question if I even know him?

"Alright, I didn't mean it like that." I shake my head. "He's always busy, and I just thought it would be nice to examine the city together. You know, taste the New York City pizza."

She smiles lightly at me. I want to start over. I want to have a family I choose, and I think they deserve a new start too. Some of my father's chicks made their lives living hell so I consider it to be, somehow ,my responsibility to make it up to them. They deserve to be treated nicely and with respect. After all, our house would look like shit, if it wouldn't be for them.

"What about your friends?" She asks. "Don't you have some?"

I just smile at her. "I'm taking that slowly now."

A few seconds pass by, then she just nods. At least she doesn't ask more questions. "It's a lovely idea, Ashley. I think it's what we all need."

"That is perfect." I take my bowl and leave with a smile. Maybe this really is a good new beginning after all.

Clark is thrilled when I announce my idea to him. His eyes light up like a child's on Christmas. It brings a smile to my face. He offers to check out some good restaurants and other places to visit, though I tell he doesn't have to. There's no room left for negotiating; he's decided.

With a good mood even a school day can feel better. I don't want to live my life thinking about Florida anymore. I know I can't promise myself to move on quickly, but I can try to do my best. That means letting go of depressing moods and sadness pointlessly occupying my every day. New York isn't the city to be sad in, at least not for me.

My mood is temporarily ruined when I spot Mae. She walks past me, ignoring my presence. For a second I consider she didn't see me. There are numerous reasons why she could ignore me, though one doesn't leave my mind. Maybe she never wanted to be friends with me, maybe she just pretended to care. Her behaviour might've just been politeness, nothing more. I had hoped I might've found a friend, and now that hope is getting shattered.

I do my best to not overthink Mae's sudden ignorance of my presence. It leaves me puzzled, thinking about her bright smile and cheerful energy. She's like a little ball of sunshine, but I suppose even the sun can get covered with dark clouds every once in a while.

I find an empty seat in the back of the class. As for the plan today to watch some movie, I consider my seat to be excellent. The phone in my pocket buzzes and for a second I consider ignoring it. Just for a second.

Hi, sorry I didn't stop by. I was in a hurry. Anyway, wanna eat lunch together?

I stare puzzled at my phone, trying to decipher who it's from. It can only be Mae, though. No other person would apologise for not saying 'hi' and asking if I want to eat lunch with them. The question then is, how did she get my number? I don't remember exchanging numbers with her.

Sure, that would be nice.

Great. Meet me at the west corridor when the break starts, try not to be late, please.

A number of thoughts rush through my mind, but I reply with a simple 'okay' and pay attention to the movie. After class I make my way to what I assume is the west corridor, rushing as fast as I can.

Mae leads the way outside, behind the football field. "We aren't allowed to eat here at the moment," she starts to explain on the way. "A group of kids came here last winter when it was all covered in snow and ice. One fell, broke his arm and leg, and got a serious concussion. Dude spent the rest of his Christmas holidays in the hospital."

There's already a boy sitting by her chosen place. She introduces him as David, a close friend of hers and the one who managed to find my phone number. She drops a few jokes about his passion for computers, making him seem like a skilled professional hacker. That's honestly what I assume, until David himself doesn't admit his mum works at the office and he just asked for it.

Maybe I might find friends as time goes on.