I DON'T LIKE COFFEE [SAIKI K.]

I HATE DETECTIVE GAMES (special)

BEFORE READING:
Firstly, please keep in mind this was meant to be an (last year's) April Fool's Day special. So this is VERY VERY silly.
Secondly, I'll let you know I wrote this whole fic when I was 16, that's why it's so cringe. I tried recreating my writing style, and I think I managed to do it.
Thanks!

[...]

THE SUN HITS me in the eye as never before today. I recklessly forgot to bring sunglasses to the imaginary beach that lives inside my mind. Realizing I also forgot the sunscreen, I sit on the towel a few feet before the sea to complain about my life like I've been doing for some days now. I imagine that if I were to be real—meaning, a body —I would be wet by now. But it's weird to tell what's imagination or reality when you are a storyteller-specter like myself.

I begin to wonder how much longer this paradise is going to keep me as its prisoner. Though I am not entirely complaining of my own creation to spend the rest of my eternal days, I have to admit I miss the life I once had. All the silly drama that was caused over nothing, and the people keeping me company.

I miss when I was alone being an omniscient being, but I didn't feel lonely at all.

Every day is the same: I come down to the beach, I forget to bring the necessary things and clothing, night comes, I leave, and then day again. I am lost in the meaning of life itself. It's like a limbo between heaven and hell. Black and white. Life and death. Crazy and sane.

For that matter, I'm insane currently.

Not only have I lost my spark of cheerfulness and become more serious, but also I have no imagination left.

Besides, no one is here to talk to me. Even if I used to talk to myself ever since I have a memory as a little infant narrator, I think I'm tired of myself. I have no new thoughts, no ideas. I can assure everyone that I'm no longer fun.

I have officially become a boring person. It's so dreadful!

I am even imagining my inner voice speaking with a British accent right now! I reckon it can't be stopped! How perfectly inadequate for a situation such as this one. Bloody hell!

I am growing insane by the day, you know...? Yeah, you!

Did you really think I didn't see you there? Scrolling through this new page of our story?

Well... your story. It's been long since it was mine—that sounded pretty depressing—. But anyway, I know you're here again.

I may be insane but I am not blind. My two eyes, even being hit by the annoying sunlight, can see you clearly from here. The question however is... why are you here?

I thought it would have been obvious by now, Stupid Narrator.

Oh, shut up Kusuo! You're always nagging me... WAIT! SAIKI! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

Good grief, it's the anniversary special. You should know it more than anyone.

Anniversary... Yes! It's been a year since [Y/N] and you have been together! How exciting!!!

...

Saiki? 'You still there?

Yes.

Great. Now tell me the plans you have with [Y/N]! Maybe if you're not using your ring anymore, you can give it to her!

I use it all the time now, but wait—

But first tell me how she is. I hope she's getting good grades!

Narrator...

—How's her grandma? Still crazy?

Narrator, shut up.