Family away from family

Chapter 7. Good grief?

9 may 2021
The upcoming days were hard. With Arsenal we had a day to remember my parents. It was very beautiful even though it was only a day after their passing and I was still high in my emotions. It was everything I needed, all my friends in one place. Seeing how much my parents meant to every one of them. It was a bit overwhelming but, in the end, the loveliest thing that happened. Lucy and I also planned the funeral through the days, made it known to the world they passed away. There was a lot of media attention, both here in England as well as in the Netherlands and all over the world.

Most of the time I didn't know how to deal with all the attention. Some reporters forgot I'm the one grieving and not someone to share every little detail off their life. There was one interview though I weirdly, seeing the circumstances, enjoyed doing. Arsenal had set up a crossover with the Dutch national team. Some of the girls from both teams as well as the managers shared their most memorable story they had with my parents and talked about it in duos. Sarina talked with Jonas, Beth with Lieke, Daan with Sherida, Katie with Jill and Leah with Jackie. I was the last one and talked with Viv about a shared memory.

I wasn't selected for a tournament with England in my early days, aka six years ago. It was Sarina's first year as the manager of the Dutch team, but she was with them some years before. She decided that in the Dutch camp the children off the staff should be at the tournament. She hired some sort of nanny for when the staff needed to be on the field or if the team played games. Most of the kids were between six and fourteen. Take a guess, my parents forced me to come with them. At the time I was twenty. Viv is the same age as me and I already knew her through my parents. They were really fond of her. It was the first and last time I was present at a Dutch camp. Sarina felt bad and even let me train with them from time to time. Mostly on the days after a game, because there would be shared no tactics on those days. We can still laugh at the fact that my parents literally forced me to be part of their tournament after not being selected myself. Like I was one of the six-year-olds. Viv still mocks me about it. I don't blame her, she was already a star back then and I just had my first camp with England.

What I learned in the past few days is that even though I don't have other biological family members left, I do have a big family. Speaking of my Arsenal and England squad but also the Dutch national football team who are all coming to the funeral. Footballers all over the world had shown their love for my parents and are there for me. I haven't felt alone at all.

Today is the day of their funeral. My parents both had documented how they wanted their funeral to be. They chose songs, flower colors and also that they didn't want anyone to wear something black. It gave me some air, I didn't need to decide everything.

The only thing I really needed to decide was the location and who was going to speak a word of love about them, besides me of course. It wasn't difficult to choose some speakers. Leah, Keira, Beth and Georgia will say something together. Lucy will talk before me and also Sarina was willing to share some stories.

The hardest part was the location. The only thing they documented about it was: pick something beautiful. Like come on a football field can be beautiful... but that definitely wasn't what you two meant writing that down, right? Or was it?

Lucy and I were rummaging through some old pictures when I knew where it needed to be held. It was a bit outside of London. On the picture you see them near a tree on a hill. It was the place they had their first date. They were driving around parked the car, walked up the hill and picnicked. It wasn't until later they discovered they held their very first official date on the grounds of a grave yard.

With everything going on that tiny little detail totally slipped my mind until seeing this picture of them together on that specific hill. In my head I keep thinking did they meant this with a beautiful place, because it's the perfect spot. So, I called the place and asked if it was possible to held a funeral on the top of the hill. They were skeptical at first until I told them the story of their first date, since then it was a settled. The funeral of my parents will be on the hill.