we are young (pablo gavi x reader)

-part 35-

tw-mental illness

the rest of the ride we listened to my playlist the whole time, and pablo was silent. i couldn't tell if he was mad about the whole leo thing, i really hoped he wasn't.

eventually a classic came on—i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys. i grabbed pablo's hand, that wasn't on the wheel of course.

"wanna be your vacuum cleaner, breathe in your dust," i sang dramatically.

"you have a beautiful voice," he said with a chuckle, and i could tell that all anger that he had had was gone.

the chorus came on and me and my friends screamed the lyrics. pablo grabbed my hand when we were stopped at a stoplight.

he looked into my eyes and sang along, "i just wanna be yours."

i blushed hard at his words, and he just smiled at me.

"can we go to the beach?" andrew asked.

"yeah sure...we could have a bonfire tonight." i suggested.

"yeah i could invite the team too," pablo said, looking at me for approval.

i nodded as we pulled up to the house. it took awhile for all of us to get everyone out and everyone's stuff, but we managed.

since my uncle was basically rich, he had three guest bedrooms. i was occupying one of them, so there were two left. they decided on the girls taking one and the boys taking the other, which i knew would be chaotic.

i went to my room as they settled in, and i saw pablo standing by my photo wall looking at the pictures.

"fancy meeting you here sir," i said in a fancy accent.

"ah yes milady," he said imitating my accent.

i chuckled at him and stood next to him. he wrapped his arm around my waist and planted a kiss on my temple.

"when was that?" he asked, pointing to a picture of me next to a dolphin. i had always loved dolphins, and i had done many close encounters with them over the years.

"i think when i was about 11," i told him.

"you have a lot of pictures of dolphins," he noted.

"i've loved them since i was five. i was in second grade telling everyone i was going to be the best marine biologist in the country," i chuckled.

"you wanna do marine biology?" he asked, turning to me.

"well since second grade i've changed my life goals a bit. i plan on majoring in zoology, and minoring in marine biology," i stated.

"what college do you wanna go to?"

"i dunno, i always wanted to go to college in hawaii. but now i kinda want to aim for ivy league schools, you know princeton, cornell, harvard." i said plopping down on my bed.

he fell back next to me and turned to me, "you're gonna be so far away."

i hadn't really thought about that. i mean i really like pablo, and now i know he likes me too. i have to go back to texas for my senior year, but what will happen then?

pablo might find someone better, maybe someone on the women's soccer team? someone better then me probably. i mean it's not that hard to be better then me.

and just like that the thoughts came flooding in.

my sight was getting blurry and i could hear pablo's concerned voice. i got up out of the bed and tried to walk over to the door. my feet could barely move but i made it. my breathing has quickened and i could feel the symptoms. i was about to have a panic attack.

i couldn't have one now, not in front of him. he didn't know about it, he couldn't know about it. i walked down the stairs nearly tripping a few times, and i felt pablo grab my arm.

i shook him off and went to the kitchen, but to my dismay leo was in there. leo took me in his arms, he knew about it.

he could help me.

"andrew grab me some water!" he yelled, and andrew tossed him a bottle before they all came over to check on me.

leo handed it to me and i drank it slowly. after i was done he pulled me into a hug, and it felt strange being back in his embrace after all this time.

"breathe, breathe," he said.

"are you okay?" he whispered, as he rubbed my back.

"yeah i'm fine now," i said pushing him off of me.

i rushed past the whole group and ran up the stairs, i could hear pablo's footsteps behind me.

"y/n wait!" he said, grabbing onto my arm.

"don't touch me," i said shaking him off.

i went into my room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me. i slid down the wall, and brought my knees to my chest.

the thoughts swirled around in my head again.

what had i done? what if he got mad it me? would he ever forgive me?

he probably likes some else. god i was so stupid to think he liked me, i mean why would he.

i heard him knocking on the door and yelling my name, eventually i decided to open it.

"are you okay?" he said embracing me immediately.

"stop, i'm gonna get mascara on your hoodie," i said pushing him away.

he immediately took the hoodie off, revealing the black shirt he had in underneath. instead of putting the sweatshirt down somewhere, he shoved it over my head.

i felt it's warmth wrap around me, oh my god it smells like him.

he lead me over to my bed and lied me down, putting the comforter over me. he got in on the other side, and he pulled me closer.

"you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he whispered, and i could hear his faint heart beat as my head laid against his chest.

"no i do want to," i told him.

"when i was 13," i started. "my parents started noticing that i was displaying signs of mental illness. i would go to school, come home and go straight to my room. i wouldn't eat for days on end, and it got so bad that a lot of my teachers started calling home."

"my parents started sending me to therapy, and although i was stubborn, they claimed that it would help a lot. and i'll admit that shrink-sue did help a bit. a few months later i was diagnosed with anxiety, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, and mainly obsessive OCD."

"i started taking medication when i was 14, but i still go to the same therapy office every thursday. i was scared to tell you because i thought it would scare you off. i tend to do that a lot."

"i don't think you could scare me away at this point," he said, kissing me on the temple.

we laid in silence for a few minutes, but it was comfortable. eventually he spoke, "so what can i do to help?"

"you want to help?" i said before i could stop myself.

"of course i do amor."

"well, i tend to pick at the skin by my nails when i get anxious. so you could stop me from doing that somehow. uh whenever i have panic attacks it helps when you hug me. when i get angry i get really angry, so give me some time to cool off before going all angry bird."

"angry bird?" he questioned.

"oh when you get mad, you get this little angry face and it's honestly the most adorable thing i've ever seen-" i blushed red at my rambling, and i mentally face palmed.

"hm," he said triumphantly.

"shut up!" i said hitting him on the chest.

he suddenly stopped moving, and just looked me deep in the eyes. he leaned in and kissed me. i kissed him back, although i was slightly shocked.

damn was he a good kisser.