ᖶᕼᓍᑘᘜᕼᖶS and Whatnot

> log.21

I feel like I can't fw reader inserts anymore because they make the readers have big top energy. We need more bottom type readers because as someone whose super uncomfortable being any type of dominant in a romantic/sexual(not at all irl because I'd rather throw up than do anything sexual) sense, I can't continue reading really good fanfics. I have lost countless good fics due to it, and haven't been able to replace them as much as I drop them. It's such a bummer!

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> Log.21/.//02

My neighbourhood has SO many big, aggressive dogs and inadequate fencing to the point some of them can just jump over. EVEN MY LANDLORD IN FRONT OF US HAS A BIG, MISBEHAVING DOG. It sucks when you're trying to get outside more and walk around. You always have the threat of one of those damn dogs getting out and mauling you. There's this one place where they have at least three big dogs that get defensive with you just being near and get ready to attack. Good thing they finally put a fence up, but it's like a small fence they could easily jump. They did the bare minimum to appease their insurance, I'm sure.

Kind of wish people with big dogs actually trained them correctly. Or that you needed to be taught how to train and take care of a large dog breed to get one. *cough*my mother getting a black nosed curr mix without experience and thus his bad behaviour stays*cough*

And my therapist asks "why not go by yourself?" to me not wanting to walk alone. Okay, first off, I'm a petite young woman. Secondly, VICIOUS DOGS due to terrible ownership.

They're seriously making me start to dislike large dogs—or more so bad owners of those dogs because it's not fun to have things that further validate your fear of going outside. What's crazy is my dad's pitbull is the sweetest thing. But he was a rescue and was probably properly trained in the rescue. Training, people. Makes a difference 98.9% of the time.

(Later note: Ironic)

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> Log.21/.//03

I went for a walk today which spurred my small rant about dogs and their irresponsible owners, but it was okay. It was cold outside! Which is a blessing when you're in—sigh— the south. And I picked some wildflowers! There's so many growing and I'm happy I got some before people started mowing or weed whacking them. What a way to start the Spring equinox. 💕

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> Log.21/.//04

BRO MY MOM'S DOG MAULED ME. I SWEAR TG HE WAS PROBABLY GOING TO GO FOR THE THROAT. HE GAVE NO WARNING. NO GROWL OR LOOK. NADA. THIS IS THE 5TH TIME HE'S BITTEN SOMEONE AND THE 2ND BAD BITE HE'S GIVEN. HE WAS TRYING TO LATCH ONTO ME. MAN FIT THE WHOLE WRIST IN HIS MOUTH. HE PUNCTURED NEAR THE BIG VEIN ON MY HAND. MY DOMINANT HAND. MY RING FINGER ALL THE WAY TO MY MID LOWER ARM IS COVERED IN PUNCTURE WOUNDS AND WRAPPED TO THE NINES. BLOOD HAS SEEPED THROUGH WHERE HE BIT NEAR MY JUICY VEIN. I HAD TO COVER MY ARM WITH A TRASH BAG JUST TO SHOWER AND NEEDED MY SISTER TO PUT THE SHAMPOO IN MY HAIR. AND GET THIS: HE WENT BACK TO NORMAL THE SECOND AFTERWARD DESPITE TRYING TO KILL SHOT ME AND POSSIBLY WOULD'VE GONE AFTER MY SISTER BECAUSE HE TURNED TOWARDS HER QUICK BEFORE TRYING TO COME FOR ME AGAIN. We weren't even doing something we didn't do before. We put clothes on him before without him reacting so violently. It sucks but my mom says we're giving him up tomorrow. It's for the best, even if they have to put him down for having a bite history. There was no warning at all. Like, at all. And we've tried different methods of training him but he never changes. Sometimes, well, it's a lost cause.

I hope the place can find a way to train him before making that decision but...the whole family he got bred from had similar behaviour. Don't support backyard breeding, even if they're someone you know offering you one of the animals. Stay with licensed breeders with a positive reputation. Better yet, adopt. Getting a dog from the shelter is better than breeding. Same goes for cats, although cats aren't typically aggressive like that unless they're feral or...my mom's bad ass one who swats at you for trying to push her off your nightstand where she is forbidden from being smh.

Anyway, I even went into shock afterwards. Like, deadass. My mom said there was no colour in my lips. Baby I felt like I was going to faint. I felt nauseated, like I needed to pee badly, thirsty, my vision started to go washed out, every ones voice began to seem a bit muffled, I was swaying, I started to feel hot and sweaty despite the house being cold, like I need to go to sleep and was shaking bad in my hands. All while she was cleaning the bites and bandaging them. My mom wouldn't let me lean back and she wouldn't let me close my eyes until the colour returned to my face. I didn't even expect I'd be in shock because I didn't feel overly scared. It happened, he got put in his cage immediately after he was off me, I sat down trying to stay calm as they did what needed to be done to the cuts but NAH. My body said "Shock!" Like, I processed what was happening when it happened and knew what I needed to do but nope. My body didn't want that.

This wasn't even as bad as a bite that my youngest brother got. His almost really needed stitches. His blood was dripping everywhere. And I'm pretty sure he even got a little bite on his other hand but it happened quite a few months ago so I can't really remember but his hand was fucked. Mine was bad, but his was baaaaad. Though I have to say, I'm quite thin in my lower arms and wrist and the dog could've easily snapped it. He already nearly pushes me over with ease so he's strong. If I was any smaller and younger, he could've killed me. And that is truly horrifying to think of.

Anyways, afterwards I felt okay emotionally but I guess the situation caused some overwhelming emotions deep within me because my body wanted to cry even as I was in a conversation of a different topic. Now my hand and wrist kind of hurt and I can't clean correctly and I was supposed to cook for Ostara tomorrow.

The world was telling me something today and it was very dog related. I'm still okay with dogs, but I don't think I want near a big dog right now unless it's my dad's or behaves in it's yard and has good active owners.

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> Log.21/.//05

Thoughts on AI Artificial Intelligence: Okay, David is a brat. And those future robots are snatched. Look at their waists, literal modern art pieces. Can those alien robots please be my new parents, tho? Especially the one with the accent. Be my parent. Go watch A.I. Artifical Intelligence. Not the best, but it's good and made me cry.