Artificial Horizon - A César Fernando Basa x Reader story

XIX: Field of Vision

The area in which something can be seen without moving the head or the eyes.

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It is strange to find myself crying over something that I am sure is part of the dreamscape. As I often do not have any dreams beyond this, I don't know if is also normal to feel the heaviness of my heart. I don't think that I'll ever be using such a cliché metaphor that it feels like someone carved my heart out of me. But it is truthfully how I feel right now.

Somehow, I am thankful that I manage to clear away my tears first once I am out of the room and head on back to our barracks where I am hopeful to be alone to burst all of it out. As another blessing, except for the few other soldiers in the field that I've crossed paths with that an exchanged of nods are all that's necessary, I make it back to my bed, crawling then underneath my blankets, and be the child I am to bawl my eyes and cry my heart out.

It is a little comforting knowing that I am alone in this place. And even if someone is to walk in and hear me or what, it seems like I no longer care when the confrontation itself with César had been painful.

I suddenly had the impulse to just leave. This is my dream, but time and time again, it proves to me that it isn't easy to disappear from here and wake up to that of my reality. For some reasons, it feels like I needed to deal with this dream sequence and accept that not all dreams are happy ones; some are also nightmares.

Pero ganito ba dapat ang isang nightmare? I ponder. Nightmares are supposed to be scary, but... the knowledge of what could've just happened to César... Yeah, I guess this is a nightmare.

For nightmares are meant to be one that make us cry once we wake up from it.

I don't know how much time passed by when my tears stop. I finally come to the moment that I want to cry still but there are no more tears to be shed. Such moment that I can say I have a good cry, being able to let it all out, and start to accept that I am surely a mess right now. The pillow is tear-stricken and I remain under the comforts of the blanket.

Not too long later, I hear the door opening that I tense up at once for who it may be. However, the voice that follow makes me ease a little, saying, "(Y/N)?"

I didn't reply and just curl underneath the blanket more, biting my lower lip as if it will hide any sound.

The door then closes, before it is followed by the slow sound of footsteps drawing closer to where I am. And a few moments later, it stops as the nearby bed makes a sound when Clara sits down with a heavy sigh. She then tells me, "I know that I'll find you here."

I didn't answer still.

"Hindi ka naman hinahanap sa medical bay; at hindi ka rin hinahanap ni doc. Mukhang alam niya na kung anong nangyari pagkatapos no'ng sobriety test. Nabalitaan ko na isa ka sa mga witness no'ng kay César. At... wala ka namang dapat ipag-alala sa mga usap-usapan nila; lalo na't napatunayan na totoo naman ang lahat ng sinabi ni César sa pre-flight check-up niya. Pero panigurado na nag-aalala lang din sila kung bakit wala ka doon," she explains.

"Gusto ko lang mapag-isa," I finally answer, almost in a whisper. "Mag-oovertime na lang kamo ako."

She sighs another time, and it takes another minute for her to talk to me again, saying, "(Y/N), alam ko kung bakit nagmumukmok ka ng ganyan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang naging pag-uusap niyo ni César pagkatapos ng nangyari, pero alam ko na kung kami ni Tonio ang nasa posisyon niyong dalawa, panigurado nasakal ko na at napatay ko na si Tonio. Since wala naman akong narinig na natagpuang patay na si César, paniguradong naging kalmado ka pa kahit papaano sa nangyari."