XLVI - Course

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An imaginary line across the surface of the Earth which must be followed in order to arrive at the destination.

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I can say that I am used with the view of the blood, of broken and lost limbs, and of burned skins and muscles. However, encountering such a great number of said injuries, with the additional smell of flesh, seems to nauseate me. One may say that it is quite strange to find a military nurse, who've undergone definite extensive training, will find such situation unpleasant—I will not be describing it to be gross, but it is quite too hard for my stomach to deal with.

I am not the only one, most of us nurses have to opt in wearing masks to suppress the smell and consider it a hygienic practice, but many of us will still gag and just gulp it all down not to provoke the patients that we can't perform our work just because the sight of them in pain and agony is unsettling. However, the most depressing moment had been dealing with their cries for help and wishing to be saved.

After all, it is quite strange, to be honest. Those who've been so vocal that they don't want to die are those whose wounds aren't mortal at all as long as we manage to apply first aids and for them to be dealt later on by much more trained doctors. However, those who've been too quiet are actually those beyond saving, just waiting for the moment that Death will come, as if they've already made peace of it.

For a short moment that the Japanese seems to stop with its pursuit of bombing Nichols, I manage to escape for the bathroom to throw the rest of food that I have from the pit of my stomach. My head is pounding much more and I feel my limbs too heavy, knowing fully that I didn't have any good sleep at all for the past few days ever since the war begins. And every day, I just feel like I am getting worse, and if César will be meeting me again, he'll definitely be scolding me for not taking care of myself... not after I've told him before that I can very much handle things on my own.

Afterwards, draining the contents from the sink with water, I stare at my reflection on the mirror. Marks of bloodstains can be found on the edges, the walls, the sinks and the floor. One will even think that this room had witnessed a bloody fight, and it might do, with too many people coming in and out for a quick wash of all the dirt. And, somehow, it is the one that brings color to my now pale and almost ashen face.

I know that I am not well. I am ill; as a nurse, I know it to be true. However, I can't just idle myself when I know too well that I can do something to help. I can't stop knowing that César is also doing the same. Not now that both of us had chosen to be selfless ourselves to offer our service to our country in the brink of being overrun by the Japanese wanting to have a steal of our own territory.

Can anyone actually blame us? Or should we be blaming those people who involve all of us to this? But if that's the case, will it even bring peace to my conscience? Will it even save me some part of myself that it hadn't been any of ours' fault at all? In the end, as I try to piece all the things that happened for this involvement, everything leads to no one. All of it just leads on to this because of countless decisions made by people trying to be greater than others and make themselves appear to be the superior breed.

Church bells toll another time, causing me to freeze for a second in anticipation of the first sound of planes flying and of bombs dropping. It had been too much of a daily occurrence already, and I know that I'll really not get used to such situation. Perhaps, if I had the same thinking as César concerning church bells earlier on before such sound definitely gaining its reputation in war by now, maybe I'm already expectant of its worst.

The planes finally arrive, audible by their sounds roaring overhead. And the bombs finally drop as I feel the ground shaking slightly, a varying magnitude in quite a succession that suggests that the Japanese continues targeting the main runway and hangars.

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