Kill The Innocent

Chapter Twenty-Two: Vivenne

They say alls well that ends well but I'm in a new hell every time you double cross my mind

Taylor Swift

***

My eyes shoot up and I gasp. Another nightmare. You'd think I'd get used to them by now but they still shake me every time.

"Viv," Cole says, sitting up with me. I can tell by the sound of his voice he's sympathetic. He wishes he could make it better, but knows in his heart he never will be able too. "I'll get your meds." He says, standing from our bed and grabbing my anxiety pills off of our dresser.

It's been almost 10 years since I watched the life drain from Declan Love's eyes, but there are some wounds no amount of time can fully heal.

I swallow the pills Cole gives me dry and sit up, rubbing my eyes, before I stand. I catch sight of myself in the mirror. The bags under my eyes, my hair starting to gray ever so slightly. I'm only 36, but stress adds to age. Another thing I notice, that I wish wasn't there, was the bite mark scar on my shoulder. A constant reminder of the man Declan pretended to be. I pull my shirt over the scar and head out to the kitchen.

Every single day I question if running away with Callum and changing our names was a good idea. Every single day the idea of putting a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger crosses my mind. But then I remember the things I have to live for.

"Good morning, Mom." Eleanor said. She was sitting at the counter with a glass of orange juice and a piece of toast.

"Morning, Ellie." I say, pouring myself a cup of coffee and leaning against the counter. "By the way, what would you like to do for your birthday?" I ask her.

Ellie turns 15 in two weeks and I can't fucking believe it. I've watched that girl grow up and the idea that she's getting older makes me sad. I worry that when she's too old and doesn't need me anymore, I wont have any other reason to live anymore.

"Let's just do dinner. I want to hang out with you and Dad. I feel like I don't get to do that anymore." She says. I smile.

"We can do dinner." I tell her, and I watch her smile in return, then turn her attention back to her breakfast.

Her hair is still blonde, but her face is almost identical to her mother's. Every year she grows to look more and more like her.

When Ellie catches me staring she looks up at me. "What?" She asks.

"You just look so much like Lorelei, it's crazy sometimes." I tell her honestly. We've twisted the story a little bit, because she doesn't remember a lot of it. She knows Lore killed herself, but she doesn't know why. We told her it was because she was depressed. She knows Declan died, but she thinks he died in a car accident, rather than what really happened.

Ellie smiles and looks down at the floor. "I don't remember much of her," She said. "I don't like that my memory is losing the only pieces of her that I have. What was she like?"

"She was funny. And she always seemed to lighten the mood in every setting she was in. She was comfortable to be around, and loved everyone around her. She would've been so proud of you, Ellie. So proud." I tell her, honestly.

Cole walks out into the kitchen. "I'm heading out." He says, pressing his lips to mine. "Are you alright?" He whispers quietly.

"I will be." I lie. I know I wont be. I will never be alright. Only temporarily okay. "I think I'm going to start a new project today."

"Good, I'm glad to hear." He says, kissing me again. "I can't wait to hear about it when I get home."

He steps away from me and wraps his arms around Ellie's shoulders. "I love you, Kiddo." He said to Ellie and she just laughs and tells him she loves him too.

I love the relationship they have together. Those two people in my kitchen right now are my soul reason for life.

Cole and Ellie walk out the door on their way to school and work and I head into my office.

A year after everything with Declan and Nolan went down, I wrote a book. It was fiction, about a girl who got abandoned as a child and spent the rest of her life trying to fend for herself, when she met a boy and fell in love and they had a happy ending.

The book took off and we made a pretty decent amount of money from it, but since then I haven't really be able to write much else. Luckily, Cole makes enough money for us to get along fine without me needing to work. Which was nicer when Ellie was little. But now I feel bored during the day, and I need something to work on.

There is a project I've been meaning to write for a while. Something that should've been written a very long time ago, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I sit down in front of my computer and open a new google doc and start typing.

"'We need to have a serious sit down' He told me as he walked around to the other side of the desk. 'I know the things you've been doing.'"

THE END