Empty Spaces

Chapter 6

- Harry -

"Come on, Harry, we'll be late again– what have you done to your robes??" Hermione was bristling with the familiar restlessness that Harry had come to associate with examinations.

"Bumped into someone," Harry said, trying not to dwell on the weird irritation he felt from seeing Draco's easy interactions with that handsome (and older) stranger. Hermione clucked her tongue and pulled out her wand, removing the rest of the coffee stains from Harry's t-shirt before accepting the cup that Harry practically pushed into her face.

"Thanks, Harry, I said you didn't have to get me anything though," she said.

"It's tea, don't worry," Harry said. The last thing he needed was a caffeinated Hermione on the first day of school.

"I wasn't... oh, never mind," she said, taking her tea and handing Harry his school robes.

"Ready?" Harry asked her.

"No," she admitted, "But we're doing it anyway."

"We're doing it anyway," Harry echoed, nodding in agreement. Here goes nothing.

They apparated to the school gates and kept their heads down through the crowds to go pick up their schedules. Harry tried to block it all out as much as he could, but the cries of "Harry!" "Look, it's Harry!" "Harry's back!" echoed uncomfortably all around. He was also annoyed at himself for letting it bother him so much– he had, after all, been facing this sort of nonsense for over seven years, but it somehow seemed so much worse this time around.

People have died because of me. So. Many. People. I shouldn't even be here– how is it that I am able to walk these halls when so many were unable to return?? Don't look at me like that, don't talk to me like that. I've done terrible things, seen terrible things, terrible things have been done in my name... I should have done more, I could have made different choices, I should have... I should have...

"Hey," Hermione squeezed his hand– a reassuring gesture rather than a romantic one. "It's okay. Let's just get to class. Come on..."

Harry glanced down at his schedule and groaned– Potions was first. Double Potions. Really??

Hermione pushed open the familiar door and Harry's spirits dropped lower still at the sight of Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini sitting together at the back table. Double Potions with the Slytherins... that must mean...

Malfoy was sitting by himself in the front corner, and gave Harry an irritated look before turning back to his book.

"Come on, up here," Hermione urged, pulling Harry to the front of the room. Ron, Harry noticed, wasn't in the room yet, but there were a good amount of seventh and eighth years, divided neatly down the middle into Slytherin and Gryffindor houses. She settled them into the center front table– really Hermione, this one??? – when a familiar voice spoke up behind them.

"Hey," Ron said, somewhat apologetic, "Everywhere else is full. Do you mind?"

"No, not at all," Harry invited, taking the middle and offering Ron the side spot while Hermione gave him a small smile of thanks. They took their seats and got out their books and quills– it was almost like old times, except that it wasn't.

"How was your summer?" Harry offered tentatively. He'd been a terrible friend, and he knew it.

"Alright, I guess," Ron answered somewhat stiffly. Harry didn't blame him "You?"

"Same."

The air hung heavy between them. Nothing was alright, nothing about the summer had been alright and it felt like nothing would ever be alright again. But what else can you say???

The doors banged open once more as one of the new teachers strode into the classroom. His blonde hair was tied back in a short ponytail and when he pointed his wand at the blackboard, the name Professor Wilhem Holmberg appeared.

"They've brought someone in from abroad!?" Hermione squeaked in Harry's ear, "German schools are known for their alchemy!"

"Guten morgen," Holmberg said as he approached the front of the class, "Good morning. I am your new teacher, Professor Holmberg. We will begin with a practical lesson. Please take out your books and turn to page fifteen, where you will find the instructions for a basic Unsichtbarkeitstrank– Potion of Invisibility. Be sure to read the instructions completely before starting– no, put those flasks away, Fraulein, you have no need for them yet–"

Hermione blushed a deep pink and closed her bag, looking mortified. Holmberg paid it no notice and simply continued on in the same practical tone.

"Read all instructions first. I should see no action yet, only reading. How do you plan to brew successfully if you have not read through what it is you are about to do?"

Harry liked his voice. It was calming, somehow, so different from the cold sneers he came to expect from Snape and the superficial praise that tended to come from Slughorn. He opened his book and read through the whole potion, ignoring the whispers and mutters coming from the rest of the class. He felt Ron fidgeting at his side while Hermione was inadvertently reading out loud, probably trying to make up for her earlier mistake of getting her supplies out prematurely.

It was a complicated potion, but not any more complicated than what he'd brewed in Slughorn's class in sixth year. Harry briefly wished he still had the Prince's book with him, but the mere thought of it brought back a whole slew of unpleasantness that he was simply not ready to face at this moment. And then a wand appeared on his book.

"Focus, my friend," Holmberg said gently, "How can you do your best work if your mind is elsewhere?"

Harry gave a noncommittal noise in response. Holmberg nodded his acknowledgement and went back up to the front of the room.

"I apologize– I should have made this clear from the beginning. You all– we all– have lives outside this room. I understand this. We have troubles, worries, friendships, family, yes, it's true. But here is what I need from you this year. When you enter this room, you are to leave everything outside. Not your books and quills, no, you leave everything that is not welcome in your mind. Anything that is troubling you or bothering you. Leave it outside that door before you come in for class. You are more than welcome to pick it up again when you leave. You're also welcome to just leave it outside forever. But you cannot deliver your best work with only half your mind present here and the other half focused elsewhere. So please, take a moment, everyone, and let everything else go. This is a safe space. For the next two hours, nothing can reach you here. Only what we do in class. Off you go."

It seemed so simple, and yet so profound. Ron was stifling a snigger at his side, but Harry was intrigued. He'd never thought about it before, but this was precisely why he liked Quidditch so much. He left his troubles on the ground and picked them up again when the game was over. Could it work in other areas too? Was it really that simple? It was like what Snape always said-- "Clear your mind"-- but he'd never once bothered to mention how.

By the end of class, Harry's potion was far from perfect, but it was probably the best thing he'd ever brewed on his own and he cleaned up his supplies feeling surprisingly happier than when he'd entered the classroom.

Maybe Potions isn't so bad after all.