Empty Spaces

Chapter 61

Harry hadn't given his talk with Holmberg any second thoughts; there was nothing in it that gave any reason to feel guilt or discomfort. Harry supposed he'd always found Holmberg to be quite handsome, but it was more of an appreciation rather than an actual attraction. Harry had been able to appreciate how handsome Lockhart and the teenage Tom Riddle had been too, but that didn't mean he was attracted to them any more than he was attracted to the giant squid.

Harry's initial instinct was to disappear; to grab his broom and go flying off into the clouds. Maybe he would come back, maybe he wouldn't. It was easy and comforting, but also offered no solutions and no assistance so in the end, Harry forced himself to keep his feet– and his head– on the ground.

No man is worth giving up your future for.

"Herr Potter, I didn't expect you until tomorrow at the earliest," Holmberg's smile was one of genuine surprise as Harry tentatively entered the Potion Master's study. "How can I help you?"

"I don't know," Harry admitted. "I've been lost all year, long before that really. This is the only place I've been able to make things make sense again. Which... doesn't even make sense."

"The magic of Zaubertränke, Herr Potter," Holmberg smiled. "I was planning to brew a Beruhigungsmittel, a calming solution, this afternoon to show my third years tomorrow. Well, four different solutions actually– one brewed correctly, and the other three showing the most common mistakes so I can demonstrate how to correct each one. Mistakes happen, we are only human after all, and learning how to deal with them takes time and patience, just like everything else. Would you care to help me?"

Grateful for the distraction, Harry agreed. It was a potion he'd brewed successfully a few times before, and he found himself thoroughly enjoying Holmberg's commentary about both Potions and life in general. Harry was escaping again, but it wasn't a destructive escape. Who knew there could be such a difference?

"Now, Herr Potter, here is where the first common mistake lies. I am going to cut the beetles at a forty-five degree angle instead of a one-hundred-and-thirty-five degree angle. And now, when I add the beetles to the potion, you see it becomes slightly darker than the one you have brewed so nicely. Left uncorrected, mine will sour when I add the roots, ruining the brew. But if you catch it immediately, you can crush some of the beetles' eggs in and counter the effects. The key is that the mistake must be caught before adding the roots, so I shall now set this aside to show my third years tomorrow."

Holmberg guided Harry through the remaining draughts, stopping at various points to purposely add a wrong measurement or wrong ingredient before explaining what the appropriate correction would be. Deep inside, Harry felt something ignite inside him, something completely unrelated to Holmberg's voice or thoughts of Draco or anything else. This was a place where mistakes were okay and the problems of the outside world remained outside. If nothing else, it firmly cemented in Harry's mind– not even his mind, but in his heart– that he was finally ready to let go of everything he'd always thought about himself and embrace something entirely different. The one benefit to losing everything is realizing just how much you have to gain, if you are willing to look in some surprising places.

"Oh shit– I mean– er, sorry Professor, but I've got to go," Harry apologized, noticing the clock. He had five minutes to get back home and make things right. "Thanks for letting me stay," he added, gathering up his tools while trying not to look too rushed.

"It was my pleasure, truly Herr Potter, this would have taken me twice as long to complete on my own," Holmberg simply smiled in response. "I hope I was able to help you find at least part of what you were looking for. No, no, leave the things, I shall clean everything up at the end. And if there is anything else you need, please do not hesitate to come back, ja?"