Empty Spaces

Chapter 62

It was something Harry said that pulled Draco out of his blind rage; something that almost instantly replaced his anger with fear, forcing him to rethink his words and his actions.

"I'd say I'll do better next time, but it's up to you whether I even deserve a next time..."

And for a moment, time stood still as Harry looked like he was about to walk out of the room; walk out of there and out of Draco's life, off to Germany where he'd find a new start in a new country with new people and if Draco didn't get his shit together, this could be it.

Lucius, of course, would tell Draco that it was long overdue to rid himself of Harry entirely. A Malfoy doesn't have the time or patience to deal with broken people; a Malfoy is better off alone where no one can hurt you, betray you, reveal you... Love is an unbearable burden, Lucius used to say, A Malfoy must remain unreachable. Untouchable."

But if Draco never felt the warmth of Harry's touch again... that would be unbearable. How could he let go of the person he'd loved for nearly half his life?? Maybe he could have let Harry go last year, before he knew the feel of Harry's hands or the warmth of Harry's heart or what Harry's eyes looked like under the spell of love. But that was then. And this was now. And Draco wasn't about to let Harry go, not after everything they'd been through and not over something like this. Was Draco hurt? Yes. Was Harry being stupid? Yes. But Harry did loads of stupid things; Draco knew this well before he let himself fall madly, deeply, absurdly in love with the man. But first, Draco needed to make sure Harry knew he wasn't going anywhere. They'd faced down Draco's father together. They could figure this out.

So when Harry crossed the room, taking Draco's hands in his, Draco stayed. He swallowed his pain and anger and frustration. After all, he'd spent a lifetime hiding his pain. No, not hiding. No more hiding. That's why you lost your shit in the first place. You will fix this. You will discuss it like rational human beings, then you will learn from it and move on.

"I love you," Harry said, coming closer still. "And I don't want to lose you... so please talk to me. How can I make things better, how can I help, what can I do?? No more secrets, and I mean it. Everything's out in the open now, I'm going to Holmberg tomorrow to take the position. You can come with me if you want–"

Draco didn't trust himself to speak without breaking his resolve, so all he managed was a simple "Yes."

"Yes you'll come with me tomorrow?"

Harry. Even after being dragged through the flames of war and hell alike, that wide-eyed 11-year-old boy was somehow still in there. Harry was still Harry. It was enough to get Draco's brain and body working again, Come on you idiot, you have to let him know you're still in, otherwise you risk losing him forever!

"Iche spreche Deutsch, Harry," Draco said, allowing himself a Malfoy smirk as he pointed out the obvious. Love is strange. No, more than that. Love is downright weird. "I'm coming with you to Germany–"

And there was the brightness that Draco had come to love so much; Harry's face changed completely, shining and hopeful and uninhibited, everything Draco had been taught to mask and hide, out in the open in plain sight for Draco to see. Was the fight over? Yes? No? There was a conversation on the horizon, a difficult one with raw honesty and apologies involved, followed by a whole host of problems to be solved about moving to a new country within a matter of months.

But he was with Harry. And that was what mattered most.

–

"You're still mad at me, aren't you?" Harry rolled over in their bed, propping himself up on his elbow with a hint of a knowing smile, face still flushed from what they'd just done.