Belong | Min Yoongi

13: Present Day

Sleep has been your friend since you've been back. For the most part, at least, as you're easily able to fall into slumber and not wake up until the next day. It's a stark difference to your unusual sleeping hours back in Seoul, a usual occurrence while working on a project. You tend to wake up in the middle of the night, and that's something you took with you tonight.

Your eyes flutter open. Your head still lays on Yoongi's chest. His one arm is still around your shoulder and the other is over your hand, the one that's resting on his torso. You haven't moved since falling asleep after that high, and you're about to wonder why the sun isn't up yet when you catch a glimpse of the analog clock and see that it's only 2:30AM.

You didn't expect last night to happen but you also don't know how much longer you would've lasted without craving - and actually claiming - his touch. You were so overwhelmed with emotions that you just went for it - kissed him and made love to him, without thinking of the consequences of what comes after.

He asked you to just feel, not think, and you realize that when it came to you, that's how Yoongi lived his life. Everything else he thinks about. With you, he just feels. With you, he opens up and he lets himself be vulnerable. You know how it ended the last time, and you're afraid that not much has changed on that end, too.

You don't know if you should be here. The longer you remain in his hold, the deeper you fall, the more you start wanting it again, and the closer to another heartbreak you might be.

Yoongi is a deep sleeper, and you figure that releasing yourself from his hold won't be a problem. So you do, slowly lifting yourself off the bed and tiptoeing around the room. You find your dress and put it on, ready to sneak out of his apartment.

But you take one last look. A mistake, really, because you immediately question yourself why you're leaving, but staying the night also makes you question why you are. He shifts a little and you're too indecisive to move.

He slowly opens his eyes and finds you clothed, your eyes darting to the door as you discern what to do. But he speaks, with no hint of disappointment or surprise in his voice.

"Do you regret it?" He asks.

"No," you answer, and you mean it.

"Then why are you leaving?"

Now, you pick up the sadness in his words.

"I don't know what this would mean for us, Yoongi. Or what it would mean for you," you admit.

He sits up and faces you, and it's his invitation for you to stay with him for a while, to talk if you want.

You sit on the edge of the bed next to him, knowing that talking is how you're gonna be able to work things out. You know if you went to your house, you'd just regret leaving, and you wouldn't know how you'd face him the next time.

"I've been holed up in my apartment since the night I drove to you," he starts. "I figured if I went out, maybe stayed at the shop or went out with the guys, I'd see you. And I was scared to, not when I hadn't stopped thinking about wanting to kiss you back then."

You didn't imagine that moment, you think to yourself. It wasn't just you. And last night wasn't just lust taking over him.

"But you'd been crying and it didn't feel right. And I just... let it pass, tried to convince myself that maybe I wasn't meant to kiss you, you know? Because I've moved on from you and it shouldn't be this hard to resist you " he adds.

"I wanted to believe that all the years I tried to not regret letting you go, that I tried to not resent myself for being so weak, that I tried to put my life together without you would all be worth it. And it was because you're doing so well now," he smiles sadly. "You're living your dream and I'm not a part of it and I was never meant to be. But that doesn't mean that coming back into my life like you did the first time isn't gonna knock me off this made up reality I have where I stopped loving you. Because I don't think I really did. Or maybe, but if so, why is wanting you so easy? Why has every single time we've been together given me so much happiness?"

"I had a plan of just saying hi and goodbye to you," you start, wiping away the tears that have fallen. "Tae said it was a denial plan and it was. Deep down I knew that if I spent time with you again, I'd want this just like before. And I don't know if I should, if I still could. Because for years I had to accept that you moved on right away, that you moved on first. I left you and—"

"Because I told you to."

"Because I wanted to," you cry. "Because my dream was out there but it was also here, with you. And I chose to be without you."

"I chose that, too. And I'll always stand by it but I'll also always wish that I was good enough to love you right back then."

The silence is marred by your sniffles and his restrained cries. You can tell because of his glassy eyes. Yoongi rarely cries, so seeing him now lets you know that he's feeling a lot of emotions that he might not also know how to fully express.

You scoot closer and place your hand over his.

"We clearly still can't resist each other," you giggle now. "I come back home for the first time in years and fall into my own trap of pretending that you don't affect me the same way. Because you still do."

"It's the long hair, isn't it?" He teasingly smiles.

"It's part of it," you say, chuckling as he combs it back with his fingers. "But it's also all this - the comfort and the honesty and the wisdom and the care. We had 2 years but they were amazing years, Yoongi. I was the happiest when I was with you."

"Me, too," he nods. "And I don't know, maybe we could try again. Maybe we could just let things flow and see where it takes us. You're here for just another month and maybe we can work something out. Maybe we'll realize it's too much but we could at least talk about it. But I don't think I'll be able to see you again and not want to have you in any other way, at least for the time that you're here."

"I'll probably lose my shit if I don't get to kiss you again. At least for the time I'm here," you laugh. "But you're right. We can see where things go. Talk things out. I just want this, the right now. With you."

"Okay," he smiles, cupping your cheek again for a soft kiss. "So, uh, I believe you were naked before you attempted to leave."

You playfully roll your eyes as you strip off your clothes and climb into bed with him. You talk a little more, laugh and kiss in between, and you make love before you fall asleep.

**

You sleep in the next morning. Yoongi drags himself off the bed to cook lunch and you follow him, watching dreamily as he makes noodles from scratch. You let him work in the afternoon while you cling to him on the couch. Whether it's your head on his shoulder, your legs on his lap, or you curled up next to him, he doesn't budge. He just caresses whatever body part of yours he can and indulges your kiss requests every few minutes.

It's later that evening after he cooked roasted pork for dinner that you sit on his lap, letting him feed you like the baby that you are.

With your arms around his neck, you smile at him. "I like this. And I like you, very much."

"Hmm, I'm glad that you do," he hums as he feeds you another bite.

"This may be too soon, but I might love you, too."

Yoongi breaks into a smile. It's the giddy one, the one where he's caught by surprise and he just can't help it. You look at him with a glimmer in your eyes. It's this home again, the one where you belong. It's what you wanted then and maybe your dream came first but you'll always want this. You realize today that you always will.

The way he looks at you says he does, just as much.

"I love you, too, jagi."

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