Nothing Ever Lasts Forever | BOOK 1 ✔️

13 | Where were we?

TW: suicide talk, depression, emotional men, cursing

Elijah

I was deep in thought. When I read the note she had left me I felt hurt. Not only because she was literally going to leave me but because she brought in something from a long time ago.

I used to be depressed when I was younger. Kie was worried sometimes but I pushed her away. It was that time in every twin's life when they drift apart for a little while and that had happened to us. We were 13 and life was tough. Being a teenager. I wanted to be everything while she wanted to give everything.

One day I got low. I had discovered alcohol and how it took everything away. As a mafia kid I had access to bad people. And I used that access. Kiara knew something was wrong. She knew I was going to places and meeting people that I wasn't supposed to. To this day I sometimes wonder why she never snitched on me.
Anyway.
It was a really bad day. And I needed the substance but this time it came with a complimentary little bag of cocaine. And I was stupid so I took them both. I was so young that it worked fast.

And the low after the high was the worst. So I found myself at the edge of a cliff. Still under the influence. I thought I couldn't do it. I thought nobody cared until I stepped closer to that edge only to be pulled back to the ground. I was so confused.

And there she was. Kiara. Not letting go of me burying her face in my shoulder from behind and repeating the same words over and over again 'I got you, please don't go'.

Back then I didn't understand her fear. She seemed delusional. She had taken my chance of being happy and I was furious until I felt her cry. Kiara never cried. Father and mother taught her not to.

And she told me: "Let me be the light Eli, let me guide you back to where it's safe. Let me do that for you. Let me be your shelter, let me be the dagger, the shoulder to cry on. Let me save you please, I need you"

Her words seemed so crazy back then but now I finally know what she meant. After 3 years I know what she meant.

"I'll never leave you Eli, I promise you. I'll be your light" she repeated. And I believed. She was my light. She was the other part of me. She looked after me. Got me into therapy and I got better. I ditched drugs and I ditched the unhealthy destructive habits. I'd still occasionally drink but nothing too bad.

She was my light, my guide, my shelter, my shoulder and my dagger. She was it all. Until now.

Now she's me. But way way worse than I ever was. The thought of her feeling the things I felt killed me inside. When mother and father died– when we were  13, I was of course sad for a while, but it didn't kill me. They were bad people. They raised us to be bad too.

Alex was 19 when he had to look after a bunch of kids. Mom and dad were barely home so them dying didn't change that much. The boys were rebelling and I wanted to rebel too. Kiara stayed quiet. She blocked us out. She wasn't sad because they died, she was angry because of what they did to her.

Alex and the others don't know how they used to abuse her. They'd tell her that they only wanted me, that she was never supposed to be born.

I only know because I once walked in during a beating and she later told me everything. She was drowning but she made it look like the ground was right there. In reality the ground wasn't even there. And I tried to tell her that they are lying, but she wouldn't believe me and I can't blame her.

After that day I realized that our parents were not only bad, they were cruel. And there is a huge difference. Because bad people do bad things. Cruel people hurt others in ways that only they could.

Like telling their only daughter that she wasn't wanted and isn't wanted now. I don't even know how Kie survived through that. Hell she didn't. Did she?
In the end mother and father killed her. A very fucking long time ago.

I know Alex should know about it but it has been years. And after years of hiding you don't just come out with the truth. You don't even know how to.

Maybe that's why Chris' plate tantrum made her react like that. Panic attacks don't come for no reason at all. Even the smallest trigger is a trigger. And that was a big one.

Kiara

He was way over the line. I was fine. Fucking doctors. Why does he get to be so scared for my life?
Even I'm not that scared for my life. Again that is probably because I'm "suicidal" like they say. Fucking hell.

Luke enters. He has a sneaky look on his face. "If Hans sees me, I'm dead. But heyyy" he says. I laugh even though I'm still angry. "Hans can suck dick" I respond. Luke seems proud. "Ah I see you finally met the annoying Hansy" he laughs.

"So you know why I'm in here?" I ask him. "Yeah apparently you overdosed on a lot of shit" he says so casually. Thank fuck he is chill about it. "Don't worry so much. Jesus. You'll get wrinkles darling" he says snapping his finger on my forehead. I laugh. He seems to like it. And as I'm having the time of my life spending time with my doctor's younger brother, my door gets pushed open pretty loudly. Revealing my brothers...including Chris. The fuck did I do now?

Luke doesn't move. His is seated next to my hospital bed and leaning onto it to show me TikToks. "Luke out!" Alex orders. He doesn't budge. Alex gives him a glare. "Give me like half a minute we are watching Chris Olsen's new recorded therapy video" he says with so much chill. When the video ends he gives me a pat on the shoulder and leaves. Chris' and Dylan's annoyed glares follow him.

"It was a good video" I say once the glares are on me. Chris frowns and Alex pulls out an envelope. I know that envelope. It's from- FUCK. I jump up getting ready to fucking flee but Caleb's arms wrap around me holding me in place. Kind of like how we hold men we are about to kill. Oh well.

Elijah pulls out his envelope too. Why would these idiots carry them around? "You're not annoying, we are not happy with only Elijah, you don't burden me, you don't waste my money- fuck all of this is untrue Kie" Alex says. He is doing that emotional yelling thing again.

Now Eli speaks. "Let me continue being the light. Don't say I was. The light is supposed to help guide you out. It doesn't fade like that" he seems hurt. I know he remembers. That night was what glued us together.

"For the record I do regret throwing that plate" Chris says. It confuses me but Alex seems to like it. Good for him.

"Kie...where were we?" Caleb asks from behind me. They stare. If stares could kill I'd be dead. I low-key wish stares could kill.
I don't know how to answer this. "Where were we. Every time. Where were we?" he asks again.

"Downstairs."

One word that destroyed them. "Every time?" Elijah whispers. I nod. I don't want to talk. I hate talking. It hurt them. Alex rubs his nose, Chris' head is in his hands. Dylan leans against the wall looking down and Elijah is so close to crying. His lip is doing that thing when it holds sobs back. Caleb's hold on me weakens for a second before it becomes stronger and I feel him rest his head on my back.

If you ever want to destroy your brothers, tell them that they were right there every time you tried to fucking off yourself. That will fucking destroy them. But I never wanted to.

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Ahem. Forgive me. I feel bad for Elijah. Jesus I truly am killing these kids.

I won't
I think
No I won't
Eeeeh

I won't I pro-

I won't :)

Stay safe. DM me if you need and comment please. I love comments. They make it feel real. Like I'm not just writing a book for myself yk.

XO