Fulfilling Promises

Chapter 7: Harmful Promise

Trigger Warning: Self harm.

If you are struggling with self harm, please get help from your close ones or a therapist or even a psychiatrist. There is always a solution to problems. They might take time to be discovered and you might suffer and feel hurt now but it will get better. It is a phase of life and I know whatever I say won't exactly help but I can always listen. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I will try my best to reply asap. 

Whatever problem is the reason for you to do it, know that you will get over that problem sooner or later. If you resorted to self harm, it does not mean you're weak. It means you've been strong for too long. Asking for help does not make you any weaker, it makes you aware of your limits. Feel free to talk, to share and to learn and grow from your past. 

You deserve having a beautiful and happy life. Don't take that chance away.

If you are not comfortable reading the chapter you may skip it. I will continue the main plot in the next chapter. This is merely a flashback related to it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes were fluttering close as I felt the energy slowly leaving my body with every drop of blood that seeped out. Was this finally it? will I succeed this time? Black spots floated around my sight of vision. I finally closed my eyes and let go of any thing holding me back. Mom and Dad, I'm coming.

"Isa?"

A voice called from far, far away.

"ISA!"

This time the scream seemed closer.

"Isa, come on. Stay with me. Open your eyes please! Isa!"

This voice. It's so familiar.

"Hello. My sister is unconscious and bleeding. I need an ambulance as soon as possible. My address is..."

That place. I seem to know it.

"Please Isa. Don't leave me. You're the only one I have left."

This warmth. This voice. ALEX!

I tried my best to open my eyes and go back but I was getting weaker by the second.

I'm sorry A. I didn't want to leave you alone. I needed to.

A loud siren soundedin the distance and I drowned in darkness.

I was waiting for the light at the tunnel, people often talked about but I waited and waited. Maybe the way I died led me to this place and I won't ever find this light. From being stuck in a hopeless life, I'm now stuck in a dark circle. Just when I started accepting this as my new reality, I saw a speck of light. I shot up and ran towards it but I was stuck in the same place, not being able to move. The light shined brighter and brighter.

My eyes slowly opened and I was blinded by bright lights causing me to shut them again.

"They're off now. You can open your eyes," said a hazy voice.

I slowly opened myeyes and sure enough the lights were now dimmed. Everything looked blurred butmy eyes slowly adjusted. The smell of antiseptic hit me and I knew this wasneither heathen or hell. I was back to my pathetic life.

"Isa? Can you hear me?"

Alex! He's still here.

I tried nodding but I felt a sharp pain in my head. I closed my eyes trying to ease the pounding but it did not help much with all the voices badgering me.

"It's fine. Don't exert yourself too much. Take your time."

He didn't leave me. Why is he still here?

Did you really want to wake up alone though?

It should have been like that but instead you caused him to lose sleep. You can't even die properly, you're really pathetic.

Shut up! Shut the hell up! I've had enough of your comments.

Really? Weren't you the one agreeing with me earlier? Weren't you the one who held the knife to your skin? I was leading you on the right path but your weak mind could not let go of your pathetic life.

GO AWAY!

I must have been frowning because I felt my hand being grabbed. I opened my eyes again and they took some time to adjust before I could see Alex holding my hand. His giant hand engulfing mine as usual. I saw a tear drop on my hand and I used the little force I had in my fingers to squeeze his hand a little. He looked up at me and smiled and a small smile crept to my lips as well.

"God, I missed your smile so much Ise."

His voice sounded broken, his eyes bloodshot and his tear-stained cheeks were much paler than usual. Guilt welled up in me as I knew it was all my fault.

"Hey, don't hide it from me. I'm seeing it after weeks."

Weeks? That's how long I've been in that dark room? It felt like minutes, hours but not weeks.

~~~~~~~

It's still hard for me to write these scenes since I don't know what's too much and what's not enough. Self harm is a topic I wanted to write about for so long but I was scared to do it. From fear of being influenced by my writing or even of the perception others may have after reading the chapters. Me writing about it does not mean I no longer have those fears, I do but I'm trying to face my fears and overcome tiny step by tiny step. My journey on Wattpad and all your comments and thoughts have a great contribution in my recovery so thank you so so much. Reading your comments was my escape, my key to get out of that self hate trance. You showed me the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope through my writing I've been able to help brighten your days as much as you did mine. Even one percent would make me the happiest. Again thank you for all the support, comments and help. I love you guys. Until next time, have a great day or night.