Captain Man x Reader | Henry Danger Reader Insert: SEASON 5

Episode 36: Game of Phones (SMUT)

*I dedicate this chapter to Credenza, Ray's new stupid girlfriend, whose stupid blonde head I want to shave and cover in honey. Y'know, so it attracts a very hungry bear...

ANYWAY, this is smut. of course, I want to make myself feel better. I know I know, this one's taken me ages, BUT I've had three very hard exams and a shit ton of coursework due that made me want to throw up, cry, die, and scream all at the same time. Two weeks and I'll be free though!

It's here now, so enjoy! And remember, our sweet girl will always be superior to whatever the stupid Danger Force writers come up with. because apparently they don't know Ray at all.

When Ray said he wanted to go to Messy's All You Can Eat Barbecue, alarm bells immediately rang in (y/n)'s head.

That place was heaven and hell, which everyone desperately craved yet avoided, like The Plague. She'd been before, years ago, when she and Ray first started dating; at first, it was divine. The meal was plentiful, and everyone was in high spirits, sharing jokes and feeling satisfied with their full stomachs.

That is until the flow wouldn't stop. Plateful after plateful after plateful of pulled pork, hamburgers, barbecue ribs, steak cutlets and glazed chicken wings arrived at their table. It would be rude to turn it away, so they shovelled it in until they couldn't move, returning home feeling sick and looking worse.

It should've been a lesson to them if not never to go again, but to know their limits. But, apparently, a couple of years was enough to fade their memories. When Ray said he wanted to go again, (y/n) didn't say no. Despite thinking she was tough and able to handle anything, her stomach proved otherwise.

That's how they ended up doing the walk of shame back up the road to Junk-N-Stuff, covered in smears of barbecue sauce with protruding bellies. The hero even had to carry his sweet girl out of the restaurant, giving her a piggyback after she fell into a food coma. But the smell of smoky gravy and roasted chicken clinging to his too-small Messy's t-shirt made her want to retch, so she trudged the rest of the way holding his sticky hand.

"Doofus, I feel so sick..." (y/n) grumbled as Ray led her into the store, so disoriented and full that she didn't feel her legs trip over something firm yet squishy near the door.

"Why do we always stay all night when we go to Messy's All-Night Barbecue?" Henry asked as his boss jammed the key in the door, struggling to fit it in the keyhole since he was delirious. Everyone appeared dishevelled, with their hair tousled in various directions and clothing stained with the dark, rich dressing.

"Why do you guys always buy the t-shirts?" Charlotte asked dryly, looking at the boys, who all insisted they needed to mark the occasion somehow, and the t-shirts were always a safe bet, even if Ray never found one big enough to fit his bulging biceps.

"And why do you always buy them before we eat?" Piper gasped, struggling to breathe from how much she'd eaten, but seeing the sauce dirtying the clothing made her head hurt.

"Better question. Why does Ray always get meat crazy and threaten to fire anybody who leaves early?" Jasper complained, following them into the store without noticing what was lying on the doorstep. Or, rather, who.

"Or anyone who tries to order a salad...Piper!" Schwoz added, looking accusingly at the girl, who returned a glare. So what if she liked some greens? She wasn't afraid of Ray, not when she knew (y/n) would undo anything he stupidly said.

"It was a pulled pork sandwich with coleslaw!"

"If it has lettuce, it's a salad!" The hero replied haughtily as he cradled the pretty girl against his chest. (y/n) mumbled something incoherent into his shirt, limply thumping his pec before nuzzling into him again to snooze. He was so warm, soft, and gentle, hugging her close even as he annoyed everyone else, and she felt so snuggly that she didn't even notice the stickiness rubbing on her cheek.