Serendipity Remastered

• Chapter 32 •

By the time we had to fly out to New York for graduation, every fan knew something was up. Camila was posting photos with vague, heartbreaking captions and I never once replied back to her. I watched her contact photo appear on my phone one night and my heart sank as I watched it disappear and turn into a missed call. I couldn't stop crying at night. I did miss what we had but it hurt so much knowing I'd never get her back until she was happy with herself.

She would text me that same night, an hour after her call and my tears blurred out the message. I miss you... so much. I'm sorry. But she never specified what she was sorry for and it hurt me all over again. I wondered if she dropped Lauren. I wondered if they tried to rekindle. I wondered if they tried anything during our relationship. That only lead me down a spiral and it wasn't hard to slip into some touchy places. I would take a couple shots to fall asleep and not think about her beautiful yet idiotic face.

Anytime I would get too much into my head, I'd go out with the girls but it only did so much. I'd still have to come back home in an empty studio where I had memories filled with Camila. My relationship with her was so intense- more than half of a full year of talking and laughing with her. To immediately second guessing her actions. Then to nothing. That made me drink a little more. I couldn't get her out of my head and the only thing that pulled me out of my misery was keeping myself busy. But it took someone to pull me up and go.

Erica was a lot more comfortable being around me now and was trying to loosen me up. As a great friend she was, she tried keeping me away from the drinking and tried gathering us all to get up and get moving. She always tried hiking when going out for food was no longer an option due to Rob and his restrictions. He wanted to take our health seriously since our tour would be a lot bigger this time around. Amber wasn't a fan of hiking and Natalie had been busy with Daniel and their own issues. So... I spent a lot of my time with Erica. Hiking in the LA hills only to have our photos plastered everywhere. It truly was just her trying to help me and she tried explaining that to everyone but once the shippers were convinced there was no stopping them.

She tried to stay away after to give me some space and to not make me uncomfortable with all of the shipping but I didn't care anymore. She was my friend, I was single, and I just didn't give a flying fuck about what anyone had to say. So, the next day, we went hiking again and I made sure nothing would be held back. I hadn't felt that way with Erica in such a long time and I was genuinely happy for the first time in a couple of weeks. She ended up thanking me for accepting her full affection. I always had been a bit hesitant with her since our own break up but again, I didn't care. I missed the way we were and it didn't have to be any romantic reasoning.

She made me laugh like no other and I ended up pushing her away because of fans and relationships. She cheated on me and proved to me she didn't want a relationship. That was enough for me to drop her ass entirely and we both ended up being just friends to keep our band going. But there was that space between us filled with hesitation and anger and awkwardness. Now... it was being worked on.

Or so I thought.

When we flew out to New York, the day happened extremely fast and I was absolutely mentally exhausted. From worrying about Camila, to the fans, and then Erica and graduation. I stayed at my mom's condo and the day was filled to the brim of rushing and anxiety over our graduation. My mom rushed to help me get my outfit on and all of the gown and hats just to yell all day about how I wasn't showing much interest about graduating.

It was overstimulating and by the time the girls came over with their parents I had gotten a call from Rob. Rob was saying the album was being leaked at that very point in time and it just intensified the tension within me. Telling us it would all be okay and that Karen and the entire team was on it. Jackson, our attorney had already shut down six dozen or more sites that had it on file. So as a group, we left the condo and tried to attend our graduation without worrying too much.