What should I know (catradora)

Chapter 22

Major trigger warning: self-harm, mentions of rape

*3 months later*

Adoras POV

after something like that happens you would think that things you would think that maybe the fight that happened between me and Catra would have been forgotten about.

But why would I think that? The hard truth is that reality is shit and no matter how bad it gets it can always get worse.

so what has happened between the time that Catra got raped to now?

the honest truth is, I have no idea.

I haven't talked to her for months.

she cut off all contact with me.

but it didn't start off like this after it happened no, it was about a week after.

"Adora!" I look up, "Huh, Oh sorry" Glimmer looks at me like how an owner looks at their dying dog, or a dad at his sick kid.

"Are you okay? I'm really worried about you. you haven't been eating, you hardly pay attention anymore to anything." I sit there looking at her with a grimace on my face

yes. I'm just perfect.

my girlfriend disappeared from me 3 months ago with no contact.

The best part about it is it's my fucking fault as well, I started that god-forsaking fight and I regret that fight every goddamn minute, every goddamn second.

I sit there staring at her, I feel myself about to cry.

Shit, "Yeah I'm fine, just stressed that's all." she looks at me

"Okay," she says with a tone making it sound like she doesn't believe me.

good don't for all I fucking care. why should I care about this shit anymore?

stop, there my friends. my best friends for a matter of fact.

why do I keep doing this, why does this keep happening to me?

glimmer continues talking about god knows what. just rambling about how her mom didn't allow her to do this and now she's the worst mom of the year.

I look over to the booth where I first kissed Catra at...

I start to feel my chest tighten.

goddammit.

I look back at Glimmer and bow, I try to focus on what they're saying but I can't make out a word, it all sounds muffled.

I get up and go practically run to the bathroom without saying a word.

what the hell is happening?

I get to the stall and I just stand there

like a fucking idiot.

I feel nauseous I kneel down to the toilet and gag.

nothing.

I gag again and hot fluid burning my throat comes out.

shit.

I get up and flush the toilet. I go to unlock the stall and I feel my hands shaking.

I need to go home, I wash my hands and try them.

I walk back to Glimmer and bow, they both look extremely confused.

"Hey, I think I'm going to head home," I say to them in a monotone voice I don't even recognize. "Uhm, okay," Bow says to me, "are you sure you're okay Adora?" glimmer says to me.

I nod my head and walk away.

I put my hands in my jacket, the same jacket she had on when she was-

shut up, shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up.

I get my keys out of my pocket, unlock my car get in, and start the engine.

"Why do I think of things like that," I say to myself putting my head on the steering wheel. i can feel my eyes tear up again thinking of her.

"Why did you have to leave me Catra, why couldn't we have worked through it." I say to myself again "Why, why, why the fuck did you have to do this to me, why couldn't you have stayed, I gave you everything, I shouldn't have fought with you. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. I never should have left that night. I never should have"

I take my head off of the steering wheel, put my car in reverse, and go.

it takes about 15 minutes to get home and the whole time I'm blasting music.

when I get home Mara isn't. I think she's working late, I check my phone, 8:47.

I get my backpack from the back and go inside up to my room.

I look at my room, the posters, the flags, tapestries, everything. I hate it

I hate it all it reminds me of her, of what I did, of what you did Adora, this is your fault.

I clench my jaw, put down my backpack, and go to the bathroom to splash my face with cold water.

I look up at myself, I look at the person I have become. my eyes are red and puffy with bags under my eyes, and my clothes are now a size too big for me from when I first bought them.

I take my hoodie and sweatpants off until I'm in nothing but my bra and underwear looking at my appearance.

god, I fucking hate it. what I've become. I don't even recognize myself.

I look over to the medicine cabinet and open it, I see the box of razors.

I just stare at it, I shouldn't do it. I never have before.

No one would care, no one would find out. just do it.

I reach out and grab the box and a fresh razor. I take it to my leg and draw out lines that bleed crimson.

oh my god, what have I done...

(A/N) okay so, it's been like 2 months since I updated and I'm going to be honest with you, my writing style has completely changed. I started this story back in 2021 when I had a she-ra obsession and then it went viral. way bigger than I expected. but this isn't the end. I love your guy's feedback and love writing this story but I can't promise you the same writing style you once knew or happy endings or safe characters. in this chapter, I experiment with the pain and grief that Adora might have had and did. I went a way that leaves many possibilities for the future so I can keep updating this story for you guys so please let me know what you think, just know I love you all <3