Losing You | 𝘽𝙀𝙊𝙈𝙅𝙐𝙉

𝙄 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙖𝙮𝙚𝙧

Upper east side, New York City, 2007

But w-why ? Soobin asked the guy who was sitting beside him
Beomgyu couldn't get himself to face the older guy but what
Soobin said next forced him to look up as panic rose in him

Did I do something wrong? I'm sure I can fix it beomgyu.

NO beomgyu nearly screamed but he lowered his voice, now talking In an "I'm so fucking sorry" tone.

soobin ,you're the best thing that happened to me in the last 15 years you have no idea how much I enjoyed the time I spent with you

I just-
I don't know what's wrong with me
He knew he sounded pathetic with that sentence. Im sorry was the last thing he said before he stood up and started walking away from him.
He couldn't stop the tears, the guilt was incomparable to any emotion he has ever felt it was intense. Why did this happen? Why did he have to be such a bad person? Why did he had to hurt someone like soobin? He screams out as he remembers his former best friends crying face. Selfish. He felt so fucking selfish.

Present time, 2023

I thought it was just a phase. But after that I made some online friends and the same thing happened there. And it kept happening every time someone became very close to me or more like someone considered me important, and i kept leaving. Beomgyu sighed.
He took a glance at yeonjun. He couldn't read his expression but anxiety took over him again. Beomgyu has always been scared of sharing this with anyone. He remembered the words of people when he tried to get help from by sharing this. Most of them were strangers

You really are selfish

You're horrible

Why be friends with someone if you're just gonna abandon them

And so so so.
Beomgyu never denied it or more like he was too scared to speak for himself and try to make people understand his side.

Yeonjun I ..
By the time I turned 16 it had become an actual problem. It was as if I had become addicted to being alone or something. I couldn't handle the guilt anymore so I decided to stay as I was, alone. I didn't even know how long I had to do that or how long I will be able to handle it but i went through with the decision anyway. I was happy for few months until it turned into loneliness again and i couldn't do anything about it. So many times I cursed god for it, because even tho staying away from people was a decision I took by myself, was it even a choice? Really? Because the only other option was to either stay and die everyday or walk away from people and hurt them.

From the age of 17 to 26 it had now become a habit but when I met you I couldn't resist it, I was taking a risk and I wanted to slap myself a million times because it wasn't just me I was putting at risk it was you too. Idk maybe it was the loneliness or maybe I just loved you so much .
In over four years I never felt that urge to be alone again. I thought my wishes had finally worked. And I finally found someone who's love was strong enough to keep me together. But

Say no more. Yeonjun thought.