love lessons | Charlie Kelly x reader

8 - drunk walk home

"this is fucking disgusting, man..."

Y/n flipped the grimy page over in her hands, face scrunching in repulsion at the sheer amount of detail the erotic letter described. "i can't believe i'm doing this shit."

"you can't believe it?!" Charlie's disheveled head raised from its laying position on the bar top. "he's writing about- no, to! he's writing to MY fucking mom!"

"and i gotta read and respond, dickface." the flimsy page was snatched from her hands in one swift motion. she hardly bothered to look, not until Mac began his awkward chuckling. "ah dad... classic."

"Mac, you're reading about your dad's sex life. that's gross man."

"what a dog." Mac ignored Y/n's words and flipped the page over, amused smile perched atop his lips. "that right there, is a man's man. he knows how to keep a woman in line- ow."

Y/n's hand ricocheted hard off of the back of Mac's head, other reaching to snatch back the disgustingly erotic letter between parents. Charlie's eyes narrowed onto Mac. "hey man, don't talk about my mom like that!" his voice rose a pitch higher.

Mac retorted with a simple shrug. "man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, Charlie- c'mon, you get it."

"this is different dude- it's my fucking mom!" Charlie squeaked much to Y/n's amusement. her pen perched atop a fresh piece of paper, ink making its claim on the page as she wrote. it was good to have something to distract her during these difficult and challenging times; writing gross, old person sex letters to Mac's dad in prison so they could acquire his drugs was not exactly her idea of a good time.

"i dunno what either of your parents see in one another-" Dennis strolled in, jaw working up and down noisily on a piece of gum. "i mean, they're both disgusting, unattractive y'know; just undesirable in general."

"my mom is a CATCH, Dennis-"

"my dad is a very hot man, c'mon, Dennis, man, you see it."

Dennis' eyebrow twitched. "i can't say i do, Mac, that's a little... a little uh, weird-" he dug around deep in his jean pocket and pulled out a colorfully wrapped piece of bubblegum, dropping the small square into Y/n's already outstretched hand. "you both should just stay outta this whole thing. you can rejoin once it's time to get the drugs, hm?"

Dennis looked expectantly between the two men as they stared back behind the bar, blinking stupidly. Charlie cleared his throat, lawyer personality having quickly taken over. "but we still get drugs?"

"...sure, yeah." Dennis shrugged disinterestedly and pulled out his phone.

Mac and Charlie exchanged a look, a look that apparently spoke a full conversation considering their next words: "we accept your terms, Dennis; nice doing work with you." Mac held an outstretched hand to Dennis who simply ignored it, continuous tapping of buttons on his blackberry filling the awkward silence between them.

Mac slowly pulled his hand back, throat awkwardly clearing. "sooo, Y/n... my dad seems to be liking your letters." he grinned lewdly. "whatcha been writing?"

she smiled sweetly. "Mac, hun, this is your dad; you really wanna know what i'm writing to your dad?"

his grin faltered as he pondered the woman's wise words. "actually, i've changed my mind- Dee! Sweet Dee, come here a second-" he paused as the blonde boredly trudged over, arm strung affectionately over her shoulders much to the woman's obvious distain. "what do you think about these letters, hm? do ya think they're sexy or...?"

"goddamnit, Mac, getoff-" she shrugged Mac's tree trunk of an arm off of her with an annoyed glare and picked up one of the many correspondence. "oh..." Dee's eyebrow peaked an interest. "now this right here, this, is some good quality eye porn."