Eric isn't homophobic

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Before this chapter starts, I would like to mention 2 things!

I wanted to ask, would anyone like me making a discord server for this wattpad series? It'd most likely just be giving me ideas and things you want to see! Probably some sneak peeks and definitely telling me your opinions on the story. How I can improve!
What do you think? Do you think it's a good idea? Do you want it to be a thing??  Please tell me! :]

The other thing I wanted to mention, canonically Eric helped set up Craig and Tweek. Most forget this, most view him as homophobic.
In my point of view and opinion on Cartman, he would 1000% make homophobic jokes and comments yet not be homophobic. That's why within the past I've made him act homophobic. He's not.

But I just wanted to mention this (the part about cartman) for later! :D

CW: sex jokes, discrimination on religion, joking homophobia, Eric Cartman, South Park,  false abuse accusations, etc.

Please enjoy this chapter!

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Eric's POV:

I called it. I fucking called it. Sure, Clyde said it out loud, but I knew this would happen forever.
Which, shhhh, but I helped those gay-bo's! I'm probably the reason they're together. They're too stupid to notice though.

But, see, when I'd call them out on their gayness the same thing happened. One would become pissed, usually Craig for some reason probably because he's slightly taller. Maybe 2 or 3 inches taller than tweek. You won't even notice unless they were right next to each other which they always were.
Anyway, they'd get all offended and huffy. Then fight me! But there were two good ones. Craig saying if he was gay he'd date Tweek and Tweek one day screaming "don't touch my Craig" at me. My Craig? Sounds like fruit-loops to me!

Everyone knew they liked each other. They all tried getting them together, like that party. Red telling them to go into the closet for 7 minutes of heaven.
Which they already were in the closet just... the closet doors were see-through. Let's be honest. Everyone could see it. Not including each other. Stupid blind gays.

While everyone tried getting them together, I succeeded! I got them together.

I saw the way Tweek's eyes sparkled with joy at Craig saying he'd date Tweek if he was gay.
I saw Craig's face turn crimson-red when Tweek called him 'his Craig'.
I saw them sneaking to the back of the school.
I saw Tweek sleeping on Craig at lunch.
I saw the way Craig smiled when he was with the twitchy spaz attack.
I saw how they started packing lunches together.
I saw the way Tweek always was the one who initiated their intertwined fingers when him and flip-off-boy held hands.

I saw it all. I noticed it all. I took mental notes. But nobody notices I know these things. I do it for a bunch of people.
How do you think i get to them? Make stuff up?? Well... sometimes.
But watching signs can change worlds with how you hurt people. Believe me.
One of these girls who was trying to get me to behave, some British chick my mom hired. I called her out on her infertility. Just because I payed close attention and used some common-knowledge! Bam! Ruined her life.
Honestly, knowing those little tricks are worth your while. They do god's work.

Back on the gays, I knew it would happen and I made it happen! Well, me and Cupid me! We worked together. We made 'Creek' possible. Creek is what me and Cupid me made up. A mix between Tweek and Craig's names! It was either Creek or Twaig.
Kyle said he wanted to 'projectile vomit everywhere, use me as a mop to clean it up, and to clean me stick me in a toilet and flush it til I passed out' whenever he heard 'Twaig'. Which Stan and Kenny agreed with Kyle.
Hell, even Butters said 'Twaig' was horrible and made him wish his parents 'grounded him, forgot about him, and moved to Denver, leaving him alone to go insane'. So yeah. Nobody liked Twaig. Everyone likes Creek though! So I opted out of the 'Twaig' ship name.

"Fatboy!"
"What Kahl?"
"Dude. I called your name like 7 times and called you a bunch of different nicknames. YOU RESPONDED TO 'FATBOY'!"
"SHUT IT, JEW! What do you want?"
"Chill. Butters was just checking on you. Since you've been quiet since Craig and Tweek came out."

"So?"
"Nothing. Just, don't fuck with them. They're actually nice and good people."
"Craig has literally given me a black eye! What do you mean 'good'?"
"I mean, neither of them go out of their way to torture people for no reason. Chili-dad." Kyle said, glaring at me. I heard gasps and 'ooh's around me and Kyle.

"You wanna go? YOU WANNA GO, BRO??"
"Sure. I wanna go!"
"LET'S GO, BRO!" I taunted, hearing people cheer 'fight' encouraged me on.
To celebrate my success in getting the gays together!! LET ME FIGHT KYLE!

I jumped onto Kyle, making both of us fall to the ground. We tumbled and rolled of the floor. Kyle throwing weak punches at me while I threw mega punches! I could hear everyone screaming 'CARTMAN!' 'GO CARTMAN!' 'ERIC FOR THE WIN!' 'ERIC'S SO COOL!' 'CARTMAN'S NOT FAT!' and more inspiring things as I beat Kyle up. I was totally winning this!

Then, suddenly, we were torn apart by a giant eagle! But I, being the amazing man I am, grabbed one of the plastic forks from lunch. I plunged it into the Bird's neck, killing it, right before it went to eat Kenny! I saved his life. I watched the eagle's life fade away and watched it collapse.
People clapped and cheered for me.
"You're the coolest!"
"Can I get your autograph?"
"Will you marry me?"
"Can we be friends?"
Nice...




"Eric?"
"ERIC?"
"ERIC CARTMAN! REPLY THIS INSTANT!"
Ugh. Mr. Mackey.
"What?"
"Mkay. Why did you fight Kyle Brofloski?"
"Because he taunted me."
"That is no valid reason, mkay!! Now you listen here, Eric. I don't wanna see you or Kyle in my office anymore! Mkay?"
"Then you might wanna go blind..."
"What was that?"
"I said. If you don't wanna see us in your office then GO BLIND!"
"THAT'S IT! I'm calling your mother, mkay!"

"Whatever. I save the school and this is what I get."
"What?"
"Kahl. I literally saved you all from an eagle!"
"...what."
"Yeah! A giant eagle pushed between us when we were fighting! But I saved you all by plugging a fork in its throat!"
"...no? Dude. Mr. Mackey literally pushed between us. Telling us to stop fighting!"
"Then what did I stab a fork into?"
"THAT KID THAT KINDA LOOKS LIKE CRAIG, BRIMMY. YOU STABBED ONE OF THE MOST INNOCENT KIDS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING!"
"...shit dude. I'm bad ass!"
"Oh my god. I actually hate you."

"Eric Cartman, your mother's here, mkay?"
"Mmmmkahy mr. Mackey. Mmmmmkahy."
"Mkay."
I watched my mom walk into the room, slightly angry.

"Eric!"
"Yes?"
"Why did you stab a innocent boy?"
"Mammmmm! I didn't mean to!"
"I know, poopsiekins."
"Mammm! I'm in front of my 'friend'."
"I'm sorry, hon. You won't do it again, right?"
"Yes, mommy."

"Mrs. Cartman, mkay I'm sorry. But you need to punish your son, mkay? He did something bad."
"Aww but I can't stand to see my poopsiekins hurt or upset!"
"I know, mkay. But you gotta understand what he did was wrong. And people who do stuff wrong need consequences, mkay?"
"Ok, Mackey. I will."

"Eric."
"Whattt?"
"You're grounded from your iPad and Xbox and PlayStation!"
"...BUT. BUT. BUT MAMMMM!!!"
"No 'buts', wyoung man! You're grounded for a week."
"A WEEK!?! You're crushing my balls, mam. I can't be grounded for a week!"
"Yes you can. You'll do just fine! You'll just have to hang out with your little friends more often." I started fake crying and glaring at Kyle, who was trying not to laugh at the scene.
My mom hugged me, rubbing circles into my back and she 'shhhh'ed my crying and whining. Telling me I was going to be fine. BUT I WASN'T GOING TO BE 'FINE'! This was totally abuse. I mean, the least she could do is give me some preparation before FUCKING ME.

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I am so happy I got a chapter out finally!! :D yayyy

Btw, I want to give a shoutout to DiazTeressa
They called me their 'favorite writer' and that's honestly made my whole week a lot better! So I wanted to give them a shoutout:)
Thank you for your kindness!!

AND THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR 5.67K READS!! <3 I LOVE ALL OF YOU /P! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!

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