Lessons in love

chapter 20- when will this get better?

Parts in italics are flashbacks as always.

"I know....I'm sorry jojo. I was horrible to you and I wanted to apologise"
Dianne held her phone againts her ear, nervously speaking as she remembered the last time she had spoken to Johannes.
He had been one of the first people she had told about breaking up with joe and even though he had tried to support her, her anger levels at that time were through the roof and she had took it the wrong way. She had gotten angry when he was only trying to help. Now she needed him more than ever. She didnt want to reach out to her family, scared that she would worry them and she didnt want to talk to any of her other friends as Johannes was the one she had reached out to first when she was struggling with feeling so alone. He knew that her anger on that day had been because of how she was feeling and not because she was angry at him, and so she knew she could trust him.

"You dont need to be sorry babe when you send me a text like that. I was worried about you so called straight away"
He told her.

"Oh...I didn't mean to worry you"

"Worry me? Di, I was worried sick. Let me just reiterate this message to you. You sent me this at 3:56pm today..."

Hey jojo. I know I literally screamed at you the last time I saw you but I need to speak to someone who wont be terrified by the fact I'm feeling the way I am at the moment. We're trying to keep it as private as we can but I'm back with joe and we were doing good for abit but now, well now is a different story. We had an argument 8 days ago now and since then he hasn't spoken to me, apart from an argument we had in the middle of those 8 days which technically in my eyes dont count. I'm really worried about him. He told me he feels depressed which scares me. I'm worried it's something more serious and I don't want to lose him. I want him to be better, I want to help him but I cant forgive him. Hes upset me alot lately and even though i want to make sure hes ok, i also want to put myself first because I'm worried he might upset me again. But I know if I don't speak to him eventually, we're going to end up going our separate ways again. I dont know what to do. X

"I was so worried di. Speak to me. What's up?"
He told the australian.

"I'm worried about joe"
She began.

"Ok...I've sort of gathered that. Maybe if we start from the beginning. So you got back together, how were things then?"
He asked her.
Going back to that time not even that long ago made her sad because even though that was the time she expected to be the hardest, it was the time they had been the happiest.

"Things were great. I went to Australia for christmas and the second I got back it was...you could tell there was something not right but you could never tell we had broken up. We were going out for dinner, we were having deep conversations about our boundaries, he would let me order us pizza, we were even sleeping together when we said we wouldnt"

"When you mean sleeping together...you mean?"

"Just sleeping in the same bed, nothing more"
She confirmed.

"Ok, so we havent got to a more intimate stage just yet. What went wrong?"
Johannes asked her wanting to do nothing but help. She was obviously not doing good mentally. The whole situation was stressing her out and Johannes didn't even know about her pregnancy, so that was an added thing she had to think about for herself.

"We went on a little breakfast date to this cute cafe and had a chat about what we needed to work on to get back to what we were before all of this. I told him that I knew he was bottling up alot and he was disguising that by focusing on me and completely ignoring his own feelings. It wasnt an argument as such but I think something hit him because he said he started blaming himself and I guess he felt very guilty. Next thing I know hes just stood up, come and kissed me said hes sorry and then walked off, leaving me there not having a clue where hes gone or what hes doing or how he feels"
She told him.