Lessons in love

chapter 28- alone

She was stood there all alone, a sad look on her face as the older woman stared back with a similar expression.
She wasn't with him and it was surprising. This wasn't what she wanted to see. It wasn't what she wanted. It wasn't what dianne wanted either, and it was getting worse by the day. She hadn't expected her much needed break to be this difficult but it was him. It was his uncertainty which was making her feel this way.

"Oh di....."
Nora cooed as she brought her in for a hug. A hug she definitely needed.

"You dont look good sweetheart"
She stepped back to look at the redhead. Her face was paler than usual, black circles around her eyes, presumably from her lack of sleep. She had no makeup on at all, which was very unlike her. Her hair was messily thrown up, not a care in the world and she had dressed alot more casual, wrapped up in a hoodie which noticeably wasn't hers, it was a man's hoodie. Joe's infact.

"I dont feel it"
She tried to laugh it off as she came and sat down in her usual seat, this time without joe by her side.
This was what she had wanted though.
She had called nora to let her know that her and joe hadn't been speaking or living together but she still wanted to go to their therapy session on her own. It was what she needed as the last week had been her toughest yet.

"That's ok, we can talk about it and you never know this might do you good. Maybe because joe isn't here you might find yourself opening up more because you dont have anyone judging you"
Nora told her. She couldn't wait actually to talk to nora alone without joe. Even though she was a couples therapist and these sessions were for the both of them, having to talk about how she felt infront of joe scared her sometimes. Today would be different though, he wasn't there.

"Maybe, well....I don't know. Alots been going on"
She spoke quietly even though she was ready to open up, because she was at breaking point.

"Ok, well do you want to just off load, tell me what's going on"

It had been a very quiet week. She was nearly 4 months down now. It had gone so quickly. 15 weeks today. And he wasn't here to celebrate with her.

"It wasn't as much an argument but I'd say a disagreement and it really was it for me"
She began.
"I told joe about a comment I had been left on my Instagram that had upset me and he wanted me to turn the comments off so I couldn't see things like that anymore. Infact he said he was very close to taking my phone from me and doing it himself. I didn't argue with him, I was too tired to. I stayed calm, I didn't shout once but it did hit a nerve with me and I told him I wanted a few days by myself. And now a few days has turned into week which seems to be a common theme every time we have an argument. It seems to be were ok for two weeks and then we dont speak for a week then were ok for two weeks and so on and it was that pattern that I think made me want to have some time away from him. It wasnt so much the disagreement we had, I just wanted to think on my own, in my own space and try to figure out why this is happening and what I could do to break that cycle"
She explained.
This had been on her mind for a whole week and now she had so much more to think about.
How had a few days turned into 7?
She never wanted it to be like this. She wanted that pattern to stop, but it had continued. This hadn't worked in her favour.

"Have you spoken at all?"
Nora asked her.

"No. I haven't heard a single word from him but I did get a text off his sister the other day saying he was quite upset and she had found him watching old videos of us from right when we first got together which he never does, hes not ok aparently. Quite....I dont know. I dont think he wants to be with me anymore"
She looked down sadly.

"What makes you think that? Because I dont think he'd be watching videos of the two of you if he did"

"He said I was lucky that he hadn't already left me. I dont know what he meant by that, whether that kind of meant I'm leaving for good now or if it was a thing he said out of anger. But he said he wouldn't come back unless I chased after him which I think shows he's not going to give this a chance unless I do"
She told her.