Lessons in love

chapter 33- we cant keep doing this

⚠️this chapter does include conversations about weight and body image. Please dont read if this is something that will affect you negatively ⚠️
It has also been 10 days so I am sorry I've made you all wait, but working in hospitality in december is, let's just say abit busy. Especially now as we come up to christmas but this should be finished in  end of january/ beginning of february.

I love you.

Those were the three dreaded words that split them apart for another week. That routine of spending time apart, a routine they had sworn they wouldnt fall back into, they were going through it again. It was almost comforting but now it was strange. They had been living side by side the past week, and things seemed normal but there was no affection. He hadn't once touched her and she hadn't once touched him. It was something she had initiated, but only because she felt confused.

Hearing those three words again freaked her out. She knew it was coming and it was coming soon. She had even said herself that she was falling back in love with him, but she didn't feel ready yet and that was what scared her. They were on different levels and that was why she had withdrawn herself from him. She wasn't angry. They had talked, they had sat to eat dinner every night but every element of a relationship was gone. It was odd. They were totally together but totally apart at the same time. But now she had her week to think and as nora told them to, contuine what they had.
She was going into her 21st week of pregnancy and she wanted him and she was ready for him to love her. She had been worried before but now she wasnt.

"Hey..."
Nervously she walked into their bedroom, hands on her bump that was growing more and more by the day. Now she definitely looked pregnant and she felt it too. She had passed all the first trimester symptoms but that didn't stop her from feeling achy absolutely everywhere.

"Hey, are you ok?"
He asked. This wasn't out the ordinary. This was how it had been the last week. They had spoken but hadn't gone near eachother.

"Yeah, I just wanted to come and say sorry for being...well, stupid and I guess I'm just a sorry for freaking out"
She felt guilty. It was the one standing out feeling she had felt throughout this whole process. Guilt. He had told uer that he was in love with her again and now only had she not said it back, she had completely ignored him and for a whole week.

"Its ok, it wasn't stupid or anything. I know it scared you abit"

"I just think I'm very hormonal at the moment. Theres alot going on because in half way now and this is the point where I start...."
She paused. She wasn't sure this was something she wanted to talk to joe about. They had mentioned it briefly and very recently too, but she wasn't sure if it was something she wanted to discuss deeply.

"When you start what?"

"When I start putting on weight"
She shrugged. Body image was always something she had struggled with and even though in recent years she had come to accept the way she looked and was happy with it, pregnancy was taking over that and it was something she couldn't exactly help. It was something she had no control over and that's why she was finding this so hard.

"We've spoken about this dot..."

"I know but I just feel like....I think I freaked our because how can you love me when...when I look like this?"
He knew maybe it could of been to soon to tell her he loved her again, but he didn't realise that it was this that was actually bothering her. She had mentioned it before but it had been quickly dismissed after he reassured her he still liked her, but now the word love had been thrown into the mix, it was different.