on temporizing || Dream SMP Timeloop Fic

Chapter 30

ayo bored_baguette101 wrote a oneshot set in the ot universe! Go check it out (linked in comment on this line)!

146. (credit to Nife for the micronation name!)

"So let me get this straight. You made a micronation - a 'small country' - and named it 'Big Town'?"

"Choke on your tongue and die."

"Why child, I thought you'd be happy to see me," Wilbur drawled. He leaned casually against the wall surrounding the settlement, only to have his feet kicked out from under him. "You fucker--"

"First of all," Tommy began, "the age of adulthood in Big Town is sixteen, so you can't call us children. Second of all, all elderly are banned from Big Town and must be punted on sight."

"Right," Wilbur snorted. "And who are the elderly?"

"Everyone Dream's age and older."

Wilbur raised an eyebrow. "That's rather selective."

"You got a problem with that, bitch boy?"

"Tommy!" Tubbo tumbled through the gate before Wilbur could answer, a harried-looking Ranboo on his heels. "We finished plating your house, come take a look!"

"Plating?" Wilbur asked. Tubbo took one look at him and lunged, only to be dragged back by Ranboo.

"Wait wait wait!" the enderman hybrid yelped. "He's not in Big Town! You don't need to punt him!"

Tubbo considered this for a moment, then shrugged. "Okay, but do we need a reason to punt Wilbur?"

"No," Tommy chirped. Ranboo hastily tucked Tubbo under one arm and grabbed Tommy before he could enact physical violence upon Wilbur.

"I am so sorry," he said, then screamed and dropped both of his friends when sharp teeth dug into his arm. "Ow! Tommy!"

Tommy sat up, spat out a mouthful of grass, and grinned. "'S what you get for pickin' me up."

"You just-- you just bit me!"

"You got a problem with that?"

Ranboo stared at him in horror. "That-- you shouldn't have been able to in the position you were in-- how--"

"Spines are a social construct."

Wilbur snorted. "The child--"

"Not a child!"

"--views everything as a social construct. Including basic manners."

"Oh fuck you, you bitch. I'm polite. The politest. All the women love me--"

"Tommy," Ranboo groaned. Tommy flipped him off.

Wilbur waved away Ranboo's apologetic look. "I'm used to it. So what's this about plating Tommy's house?"

In answer, all three inhabitants of Big Town pointed to the structure looming over the wall. It was a tower of sorts, but the material it had been made out of was completely hidden under the thick layer of music discs tacked on every surface.

Wilbur stared at it. "That's an. . . interesting. . . tower."

"That's an interesting face," Tommy retorted. Ranboo choked on air.

"Burn," Tubbo whispered, then started cackling at the look on Wilbur's face.

~~~

"I'm not joining your stupid micronation!"

Tommy squinted and raised the megaphone again. "BUT WE HAVE HOME AND VEHICLE INSURANCE!"