on temporizing || Dream SMP Timeloop Fic

Chapter 32

156.

"We can't give it to the raccoons, they'll start chewing people's faces off."

"Then don't give it to the raccoons. Give it to the squirrels."

"That'd be even worse--"

"Why the fuck are you in my bathtub? How the fuck did you even get in?"

"Hi Jack," Tommy greeted, craning his head so he could look at Jack from where he was curled in one side of Jack's bathtub. "Dream and I were just discussing the merits of drugging raccoons."

"Or squirrels," Dream added from his side of the bathtub.

"Or squirrels," Tommy agreed. He pulled the shower curtain aside in invitation. "Wanna join?"

"No! Get the fuck out of my house!"

"Worth a shot."

~~~

"Ohhh wait, and then--"

"Yup. We're going to put the elephant and the child in a room together."

"What's this about elephants?" Philza asked. "And why are the two of you in my pantry?"

"You have good food," Tommy said. To prove his point, he took another bite out of the loaf of bread he was holding. Philza wrinkled his nose.

"Tommy, mate, you're supposed to slice the bread into pieces before you eat it."

"No," was Tommy's answer. "By the way, did Niki make this?"

"Yep. Got it from her bakery. If I give you another loaf, will you get out of my pantry?"

"Make me."

Philza turned to Dream, hoping that he would be a reasonable adult - only to find him eating a carrot. By taking bites out of its long side. What the fuck.

"So as I was saying," Dream said through a mouthful of root vegetable, "Elephant. Child. We need to build an observation deck, though. Maybe under Techno's house?"

"Sure, but where do we get a child?"

Philza sighed and shut his pantry. He could afford to lose some food, but his sanity couldn't afford whatever conversation they were having.

~~~

"--and I'm telling you it's possible! Just slap a couple billboards around the server, the furries will come flooding in--"

Fundy walked into the Community House just in time to catch the tail end of that conversation, took a second to wonder how Dream and Tommy were hanging from the ceiling like that, then registered what he'd heard and walked back out.

Hiding in his house for the rest of the day seemed like a good idea.

~~~

"And the sand would go great with the parmesan."

"Right, but I'm telling you the spinach would be better!"

"On toast? Nobody puts spinach on toast, you disgusting--"

"Get off my roof," Purpled ordered. Tommy and Dream both turned to look at him from where they were sitting cross-legged on top of the UFO's dome.

"Purpled!" Tommy cried. "Tell Dream that nobody puts spinach on toast!"

"Get off my roof," Purpled repeated flatly. He raised his crossbow. "Now. Or I shoot."

"But Purpled, your UFO is so nice to sit on--"

Purpled took a warning shot. It missed Tommy's head by a hair. The teenager yelped and scrambled to his feet, only to slip, fall, and roll right over the UFO's rim.