Conjugated - A Jonnor Tale

Chapter Three: No Religion

Chapter Three: No Religion

Jude was sweeping in Timothy's classroom. Monte had hired him to do some of the lighter janitorial work for an hour after school. It usually worked out well because Lena wasn't ready to leave yet anyway, Connor was working out in the gym, and Jude and Connor were riding home with her because Adam and Ella were always working down at the rapidly taking-shape Ronnoc Center.

The door opened and a boy came in. Jude recognized him as Corey, one of the kids in Callie's grade. He was on the JV football team but other than that, Jude didn't really know him much. "Hey," he greeted.

Corey sat down in one of the chairs. "You're Jude, right?"

Jude nodded. "Yeah. It's Corey, isn't it?"

Corey nodded. "Yeah, Callie is in two of my classes. And everyone knows your mom of course."

Jude looked at him, wondering what this was going to be about. A "help me get on a date with your sister" type conversation was going to be pretty awkward, but it turned out to be nothing of the sort. "How's it going?" he asked.

"I just had a few questions and was hoping you could help me answer them."

Jude eyed him warily. "What sort of questions?"

"I assume from this Ronnoc party I went to that you're gay?" He tilted his head, watching for any reaction from Jude. "Sorry if this seems rude. I don't want to waste your time."

"Yeah, I'm gay. Connor's my boyfriend."

Corey nodded. "How long have you know you were gay?"

Jude reflected. "Not that long, I guess," he said. "I wasn't really sure at first. I'd never really even thought about it until Connor came along. It wasn't until he expressed interest in girls that I got jealous and started realizing that I liked him more than as a friend. I mean, I was probably crushing on him before then, I just didn't even know what that was."

"So it was a choice?"

Jude was neatly coalescing his dirt into a pile. "No, not like that. I don't think anyone can choose to be gay. You either are or you aren't. Or maybe you're bisexual and in between. And probably everyone isn't 100% straight-I heard that from somewhere."

"But wasn't what you started doing with Connor a choice?" Corey looked down. "I mean, isn't that how it started? You admiring him and then allowing yourself to develop feelings?"

Jude paused. "Are we talking about me, or you?"

Corey didn't answer that. "It's just, if you have feelings like that and start comparing yourself to others, it doesn't seem normal, does it?"

Jude's mouth worked the air for a moment. "Why would I care about comparing myself to others, or what's normal or isn't? Is that what you do?"

Corey nodded. "This is about me questioning myself," he admitted.

Now this was starting to make a little more sense to Jude. "So you aren't sure of what you feel about other guys?"

"Yes, but I try to use logic to argue against those feelings, but you got into the emotions and it's going around my argument."

"Why do you feel like you have to argue with it?" Jude picked up the dustpan. "Does it make you feel uncomfortable?"

Corey nodded.

"I can relate to that," Jude said. "It can definitely be difficult to get your mind in agreement with your feelings. Especially if the way you've been taught to think doesn't fit with the feelings."