Lovers End [h.s]

★Thirty-nine★

(Back to the first day)

HARRY STYLES

It's only been one day and waking up without her has been hard. Her side of the bed cold and untouched except for the indents on her pillow from my fingers brought me back to the first night of us meeting each other.

Waking up that morning and realizing that she wasn't there anymore broke my heart more than I ever expected it would.

It hurt more than my first heartbreak. 

But this – this was worse.

The second half of my heart wasn't with me and I partly blamed myself for it. I blamed myself for it not because I played a role in getting her sent to the rehab against her will, but because I was helpless in actually doing anything to prevent her from getting there in the first place. 

Everything was functioning normally. The windows were open, letting in the chilly morning air that was starting to warm as we moved further into the hotter months of the summer, the birds chirping from the trees. The occasional car would pass by as I stared out at the rising sun that the sky was influenced by with its beautiful colors.

Constance was my sun.

The television was still on, displaying the channel that I had turned on last night which had a run-through of the first four movies of the Harry Potter series, Cindy's favorite movies. I remembered overhearing a conversation with Belle and Lela about Sirius Black when she first moved in, but I was too mad at her to make fun of her about it at the time.

Sighing, I couldn't do anything but stare up at the walls filled with bright fairy lights twinkling and the ceiling with the greenish glow-in-the-dark stars that Constance insisted on sticking on to help me sleep better just over three weeks ago. I knew deep down that they were more for herself than for me, but it made her happy, so I was happy.

Now, looking at them, all it did was remind me of her, and how she had lost the comfort that she so desperately needed.

✰A few hours later...✰

"Z, mate, listen," I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back against the couch. "I think we're not on the same page at the moment because you can't be insinuating what I think you might be."

Zayn's long hair was pulled away from his face and into a bun, exposing the sharp angles of his features and the tired look on his face that he was sporting.

Not as though I was someone that could judge him. I didn't look any better.

I had dark circles under my eyes, my eyelids halfway drooping from the lack of sleep that I was getting the past couple of nights.

I was surprised I had the energy to get out of bed and drive over to Zayn's office without crashing my car along the way. 

Although I would like to blame it all on the fact that I was missing Constance, I would be lying. Half of my dreams were made up of ways that I could get rid of Lela, my brain flooding with thoughts that I should not be having.

I, of course, don't dare to utter them to anybody, keeping them all to myself – the unusualness of such thoughts is driving me halfway to loony town.

I do admit, I have the occasional dark thought pass by like a grey cloud ready to unleash its lightning and thunderstorm onto Earth, but these dreams are more like a boreal forest in the winter with tons of heavy snow and cold weather that seems as though it would never end.