There were million little reasons to not love him,
And million little things that I despised now.
+++
Her:
Unwanted emotions,
I didn't want any of it, any of them.
From the outside, she seems adorned with all that glitters-wealth, celebrity, and...
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I couldn't look at him in the eye.
I didn't want to remember my nightmare.
I didn't want to hear those words echoing in my ears.
"Amazing work, Shiya. I love it," he says as I continue fiddling with my fingers. They're much more interesting than the praise; yes, they are.
The painting I made consisted of two colors splashed across the canvas: one was red, the other was grey. It represented my chaotic state, where one half belonged to my feelings about love, and the other belonged to all the tears I had shed all this time, yet arrived at no destination to escape from it.
"Do you like this place? This would be one of the locations for our sessions."
I glanced around at the plants; they were definitely creating a peaceful environment, especially with their scents. I loved the feelings of how the flowers bloomed around a person who only has darkness inside them.
"Do you own this place?" I ask.
"No, it's owned by one of my friends. He's agreed to let me use the farm on Sundays. Anyway, today we're going to delve a bit into your personal life. Are you okay with that?" I nod hesitantly, contemplating that my comfort level will depend on the nature of his questions. If he asks about Dalhyun, then no, I won't be comfortable.
"How was the experience of growing up as a public figure from a young age?" he inquires, placing the canvas aside and pulling out a small notebook to jot down notes about me.
"It was relatively smooth; I never encountered much online trolling—"
"Apologies for the interruption, but what I'm trying to ask is whether you believe you kept your private life truly private, or if you feel you exposed yourself to the world for everyone to know?"
I fell into a thoughtful silence, my gaze fixed on my fingers, pondering his question. Though I knew the answer, uncertainty lingered about whether I should reveal the truth.
"No, I don't believe I intentionally exposed myself. I refrained from letting people witness my struggles because they relied on me to be a pillar of strength and inspiration." I said the truth in the end.
"Do you think their perception of you would have been the same as it is now?"
"Again, no. The way people see me has changed, and it wouldn't be the same if I had laid myself out for them to see everything. Everyone has some aspects of themselves they fear judgment for, and I'm no exception."
"You mentioned a change in how people perceive you. Why do you think that is?"
"Because I've undergone a transformation. Recently, parts of me that I want to keep hidden have started to emerge."
"People do evolve, but I understand what you're saying. Fans often struggle when their idol shifts from the image they've always held. It seems like it matters to you how people perceive you."
