A Million Little Things

Chapter thirteen

HUGE TRIGGER WARNING!
Attempt to suicide.

I hate myself

I hate myself

I disgust myself

I don't deserve this

I had lost my mind.

I have lost everything

How do you loose something you never had?

My breath chokes in my throat as I look at the knife lightly resting against my left wrist. Just one swift Shiya, and it's done then.

You can be free forever within few seconds Shiya.

Do it!

Just few torturing moments and you can get free forever.

I would never have to know, how much my family would cry on my funeral. I would never know what could my life have been if I was alive.

Come on, do it Shiya.

I grit my teeth as my palm pushes the blade down on my nerve, the pain was increasing with every second as I watch the blood making its appearance, watching the trail blood dropping on the floor, and I pull the blade watching more blood flow out.

The next second I find it hard to breathe, my vision blurred, a howl echoes in my living room as I try to stand with difficulty.

Thump thump

I can feel my heart rising up to my ears, while the knife slips from my hand. My upper body leans against the slab as I try to track the tap with my non injured hand and open it, keeping my left wrist under it.

I grit my teeth to contain my screams as I watch my blood mixed with the water disappearing behind the drain.

I wait for my vision to get clear as I grab the napkin hanging beside the sink and wrap it around my wrist.

Taking a deep breath, I step back as I hear a whimper and I glance down to see Shiloh standing few steps away from my blood.

"I'm okay now Shiloh," I whisper, my voice coming out hoarse as I start walking towards my bathroom to find some first aid kit.

I could still feel my heart in my throat, and my breath being blocked with something I couldn't realise, even then I still I forced myself to walk.

I don't know why I had changed my mind, why I was forcing myself to save myself from dying.

With a blur vision, my hand finds the first aid box and takes it out. Hastily opening the box, I take some cotton and press it down to my open wound, all while biting my lower lip to contain my screams.

Taking out long strip of bandage, I start wrapping it around my wrist then, sealing it off with a tape.

A sigh escapes me, as I walk into my bedroom, and lie down. While feeling my pulse vibrate in my wrist. I just hope that my bleeding stops soon.

As soon as I close my eyes, I see it, I see them.

I see my brother dragging me, my mother stumbling on her feet. They starting talking, maybe even shouting but I remain numb, absolutely quiet, I can still feel my tears flowing my cheeks, I can still feel the I pierced my nails into my palms.

I was reliving it again.

Then the scene changed, I was the hospital just lying there looking at the ceiling, while my hand ran over my stomach.

It was painful, it was just so painful. It was like I had lost a part of me, and I had. I had lost my heart it felt like.

I relive it again and again, throughout the night. Just feeling numb with no energy in my body.

I don't know why I saved myself.

I keep my eyes closed, forcing myself to see how I hurt everyone in my life. I watch the way I found Kim Dalhyun in front of em today, how my brother and my best friends broke my trust.

How Atharva went through a painful memory because I kissed him.

I don't know why I saved myself.

Turning on my side, my injured hand runs through the leather sleeve as I sigh and try to shrink myself to hide within the huge jacket, it's warmth wrapping around me like a tight hug I didn't deserve.

Then I'm out like light.

But just before that I tell myself that I'll face every hurdle thrown my way with the flick of my injured hand.