State of Love and Trust |Eddie Vedder

Am I Awake Or Am I Dreaming

My eyes opened and the first thing that hit me was my overwhelming aching head. Took me a hot minute to want to fully open my eyes and when I did, I was tucked up against Eddie's arm. So I did sleep in here after all. It wasn't an odd dream. My left arm was draped across his chest as he slowly breathed, hair everywhere while we laid comfortably. My heart tugged at the fact that I was content, this is where I wanted to be but I knew this was wrong. While yes Eddie confessed last night that he was not seeing Tiff like I assumed he was but I was seeing Jamie. That was reality. I could no longer do this to us both.

I slowly pulled away and rolled out of bed, not trying to wake Eddie's sleeping form. I grabbed my clothes and crept out of the room, listening out for anyone who could be awake. I think I could hear Chris, Stevie and Stone in the kitchen. From the smell of it, they were eating breakfast. Sounded amazing right now. Knowing that I was still wearing Eddie's clothes, I had to quickly change. I couldn't have my friends catch me in them or else I would never hear the end of it. Tip toeing into the single bathroom, I closed the door and saw my reflection. Ugh I look hungover for sure.

I ran the water and washed my face from last nights events. I saw toothpaste and figured I could just use my finger to brush my teeth. It was at least something till I got back home. I began to pull the shirt over my head when the door creaked open. Ripping it off, I was met with Eddie standing with his tired eyes honing in on my bra covered breast. Wasn't till I held the shirt close to my chest when Eddie realized what was going on, "Shit! I am so sorry!" He rapidly apologized as he stepped back out. I am absolutely mortified that he saw that much of me.

I made quick work in changing back to my own clothes. I held onto Eddie's, bringing up his shirt and taking in his smell one last time before tossing it into their laundry basket. "Hey, she lives!" Stone smiled when I entered the room. I smiled with my eyes closed and took a seat next to Chris. Stone came over and placed a big cup of coffee in front of me. Looking up, I thanked him and took a sip. Feeling it starting to heal my hungover soul. Eddie eventually made his way out, looking less affected from last night than I am. "Well good morning love birds." Chris laughed the moment Eddie sat next to me. I quickly blushed but noticed Eddie wasn't even phased.

Did it not bug him when people assumed that we were together? I took my eyes off the singer while he enjoyed his coffee and looked over at Stevie. My best friend had her brows knotted but nothing to add. Stone was kind enough to feed us and in doing so, I made sure to wash my plate and put it away as a thank you. I was feeling much better now that I had some food and coffee in me. "So we are playing tonight. Will you be there?" Eddie spoke, looking hopeful. I could feel everyone's eyes on us. Feeling the pure pressure as they waited for my answer. Eddie didn't bother to acknowledge their presence which is something I need to learn to do.

I knew I had to start adding some distance but with how he was looking at me, I couldn't disappoint him. "I don't see why not." I replied, I wanted to crawl and hide. Chris smirked and reached in his pocket for his keys. "Alright, well I need to take these ladies home. Have to be the responsible one now." He looked proud of himself. Stevie and I just rolled our eyes but joined him near the door, saying our goodbyes.

"So what is going on with that Lennon?" Stevie pushed once we were in the car, heading back to the apartment. Chris just smirked, he found this to be comical. I knotted my brows, "Nothing. We are just friends. Eddie took care of me last night and allowed me to sleep in his bed." Stevie nodded but still not impressed. "Yeah, with him laying right next to you." Chris and Stevie both broke out in laughter. I chose to ignore them.

By the time we reached the apartment complex, Chris and Stevie were in a giggle fit from my apparent love affair with Eddie even though one did not exist. I was growing annoyed and for some odd reason sexually frustrated. A feeling that was so new to me being a virgin and all. With Jamie I was not really aware of what I was missing out but when Eddie is around, the hairs on my arms stand straight. The image of his beautiful face and deep blue eyes cause my nipples to get hard. I felt like I was a cat in heat around him and I was hating myself for it. Luckily neither Stevie or Chris had noticed my internal struggle.